


The Black Hole Group Chat

by Greenninjagal



Series: The Messages that Made Us [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Suicide, Bad Nicknames, Bad Puns, Cats, Child Neglect, Chronic Stress, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Eating Disorders, Family, Found Family, Group chat, Its was supposed to be a quick thing but then my brain got involved, Logan is a nerd per usual, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Nicknames, Roman gets offended, STARSSSS, Spiders, Texting, Victim Blaming, Wow I actually finished a multichapter fic, controlling parents, dice rolling, sleeping disorders, wrong numbers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-09-14 23:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16922394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenninjagal/pseuds/Greenninjagal
Summary: Cat_feelings: [I just have a lot of feelings for you Logan]Anxi_Tea: [platonic?]Cat_feelings: [does it matter?]Anxi_Tea: [you’ve known him for twenty five minutes.]***aka a text fic where Logan texts the wrong number and everything goes downhill from there.





	1. Roll for Initiative

[Hello Marissa, I am contacting you in regards

to the recent group project we were assigned for

Astronomy. It would be adequate if we might 

come to a conclusion that requires the least 

amount of social interaction.]

 

[This is Logan Crofters by the way.]

 

[what]

 

[oh dude you must have the wrong number]

 

[RIP]

 

[Pardon?]

 

[I have double checked the number

Marissa gave me. I don’t understand.]

 

[Alas, your fair maiden hast given you a faux

number my friend.]

 

[That makes no sense.]

 

[she’s not interested in you.]

 

[Nor should she be!]

 

[We’re just partners for a project]

 

[Whatever. Please disregard my interruption.

I shall endeavor to erase this number from

my contacts as to not bother you again.]

 

[wait!]

 

[I want to be your friend]

 

[logan]

 

[Logan]

 

[LOGAN]

 

[Please desist. I am rather busy.]

 

[But I want to be your friend! I’m Roman!]

 

[Prince!]

 

[I have no interest in pursuing a further

relationship with you seeing as we don’t 

know each other nor do we have any

common acquaintances.]

 

[and quite frankly, I don’t have time for

friends. This project is worth most of my 

semester grade.]

 

[No time for friends?]

 

[what kind of sad cyborg are you?]

 

[Besides I’d be the best friend you have

ever had! I’m a blessing!]

 

[Somehow I doubt that.]  

 

****

 

_ Princey _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

 

Princey: [Guys! Tell Logan I’m the best friend he’s ever going to get!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [who]

 

Anxi_Tea: [did you kidnap someone again]

 

Anxi_Tea: [We talked about this Ro]

 

Princey: [He insisted that he didn’t need friends]

 

Cat_feelings: [what! Everyone needs friends!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Hi Logan! I’d be thrilled to be your friend!]

 

Cat_feelings: [what’s your favorite color? Herbal tea? Animal?]

 

[what have you done]<

 

Princey: [I added you to my group chat]

 

Princey: [because you threatened my reputation]

 

Princey: [as the greatest friend in the world]

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

  
  


Princey: [you should change your name]

 

Princey: [numbers are so boring.]

 

[Numbers are not boring. Let me leave.]<

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

 

Anxi_Tea: [Dude, jsut accept it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’ve been trying to leave for three years]

 

Cat_feelings: [you have?! I thought you liked being here!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Patton I changed my number three times just to get out of here]

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m not sure how Roman kept finding my number]

 

Cat_feelings: [Aw, kiddo! I never meant for you to feel trapped]

 

_ Anxi_Tea  _ has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ added  _ Anxi_Tea  _ to  _ The Void _

 

Anxi_Tea: [really]

 

Cat_feelings: [I will aggressively hug you.]

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

 

Princey: [There is no escape, logan!]

 

Princey: [You have been ensnared by the bonds of my friendship]

 

[I’ll cut myself free]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [roll for initiative Logan/Roman] 

 

Princey: [Nat 20 because I’m perfect 100% of the time]

 

[That is not how Dungeons and Dragons works]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh logan! Do you play?]

 

[no]<

 

Princey: [that’s obviously a lie.]

 

Princey: [because he didn’t capitalize]

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ The Void _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ The Void _

 

[Let me leave, please.]<

 

[I’m begging you.]<

 

Princey: [let me spell it out for you friendo]

 

_ Princey  _ has changed the name of the chat to  _ Black Hole _

 

Princey: [you’re in astronomy right. You know what a black hole is]

 

[Don’t insult my intelligence.]<

 

Princey: [this chat is a black hole. You get sucked in and you don’t leave]

 

[Technically you threw me in here.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman]

 

Princey: [congrats you have friends now Microsoft Nerd]

 

Anxi_Tea: [nevermind.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’ll allow this as long as he gets all the new nicknames]

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ Black Hole _

 

_ Princey  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ Black Hole _

 

Princey: [I can do this all day Microsoft Turd]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you just used that one]

 

Princey: [And?]

 

Princey: [I can make a Microsoft Third too! Oh look]

 

[What did I do to deserve this torture.]<

 

[Is this because I jaywalked last week? I swear I’ll never do it again.]<

 

Princey: [you insulted my friendship]

 

Cat_feelings: [now kiddo]

 

Cat_feelings: [you know you can’t force your friendship on someone]

 

Cat_feelings: [that’s not being a good friend]

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ Black Hole _

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ Black Hole _

 

Cat_feelings: [i’m sorry]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Hang on, wait, logan you’ve never jaywalked before]

 

[Of course not. I’m no delinquent]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ouch]

 

Anxi_Tea: [roll for damage]

 

[My apologies. I didn't mean to insult you.]<

 

[Social interactions are for, lack of a better term, not my cup of tea.]<

 

Princey: [is that the real reason why you don’t have any friends]

 

Cat_feelings: [ ROMAN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what the hell man]

 

Princey: [i didn’t mean it like that!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [use your fucking brain once in a while!]

 

Cat_feelings: [language]

 

Cat_feelings: [but roman that was really uncalled for.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan is a wonderful person and anyone stupid enough to not want to be his friend doesn’t deserve him! <3 <3 <3]

 

Cat_feelings: [I just have a lot of feelings for you Logan]

 

Anxi_Tea: [platonic?]

 

Cat_feelings: [does it matter?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you’ve known him for twenty five minutes.]

 

Princey: [Patton’s right.]

 

Princey: [I was not thinking Logan. You have my deepest, most sincere apologies.]

 

Princey: [Please tell me how I can make it up to you]

 

Princey: [and if you truly desire so, I will let you leave, but I will cry a thousand tears for the friendship we could have had]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan buddy?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Lo?]

 

[I wasn’t joking when I said I had things to tend to.]<

 

[However I find my interaction with you unnecessary]<

 

Princey: [....]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

Cat_feelings: [unnecessary but you want to stay anyway?]

 

[I’m being ridiculous. Apologies I will leave now]<

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has left  _ Black Hole _

 

_ Anxi_Tea  _ added +1(540)-555-2814 to  _ Black Hole _

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [but it’s okay to want unnecessary things]

 

Cat_feelings: [yeah! Cats are unnecessary but I love them so much!]

 

Princey: [PATTON]

 

Anxi_Tea: [TELL ME THERES NOT A CAT IN THE DORM]

 

Princey: [PATTON ANSWER]

 

Anxi_Tea: [shit i’m in class!]

 

Princey: [can’t you skip?!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [can’t you?!]

 

[I’m afraid I don’t understand the urgency of the situation]<

 

Princey: [If I run out of this room again the Dragon Witch will fail me!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Patton is deathly allergic to cats]

 

[I don’t--]<

 

[If Patton is indeed allergic, shouldn’t he know better than to let in a feline?]<

 

Princey: [One would think]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I love Patton but he literally has no self control when cats are involved]

 

Cat_feelings: [aw, kiddo! Thats so sweet! I love you too!]

 

Princey: [Patton! You’re alive!]

 

Cat_feelings: [yep! No need to worry your pretty little heads! I dropped my phone between my bed and the wall and I tripped getting up and hit my head on my desk which knocked over all my textbooks! Now I have to clean up the blood!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what blood]

 

Cat_feelings: [don’t worry about it!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [patton what blood]

 

Cat_feelings: [It’s mine!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT]

 

[I must agree, this is quite distressing, Patton.]<

 

[If you are injured you should alert your friends so that they might care for you.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [it’s not so much of a big deal! Besides you are all busy right now!]

 

Cat_feelings: [see! All better now!]

 

Princey: [I’m out of class in ten minutes Pat. And I’m coming straight over there]

 

Anxi_Tea: [If I get back to my room and find you took my posters they won’t even find your body.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m serious this time]

 

Anxi_Tea: [No one ever suspects the mute kid]

 

Princey: [It was one time you emo nightmare]

 

[Pardon my ignorance, but mute?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh uh right]

 

Anxi_Tea: [roll for perception]

 

[Apologies?]<

 

Princey: [would it kill you just to say “what” like the rest of us?]

 

Princey: [or is that like against your coding]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It’s not a big deal don’t worry about it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I mean]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I just]

 

Princey: [it’s alright V]

 

[I did not mean to pry]<

 

[if it’s something so personal please do not feel obligated to share it]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan, kiddo]

 

Cat_feelings: [shut your everflapping gob talker]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

[Did I say something incorrectly?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ignore him]

 

Anxi_Tea: [he gets excited when I open up]

 

Anxi_Tea: [it’s stupid really]

 

Cat_feelings: [It’s not stupid!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’ll fight you!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roll initiative]

 

Cat_feelings: [17!]

 

Princey: [6]

 

Anxi_Tea: [before your eyes, without any warning, the guide from the village who you have come to call a friend, stiffens and lets out a scream. His jaw unhinges spewing out thick black smoke that wraps around him in a cocoon. All of Roman’s sense suddenly scream, and the uneasy feeling that has been haunting him since they had first met enhances. Whatever is happening it is not holy.]

 

Princey: [I knew it!]

 

[What is happening?]<

 

Princey: [hush]

 

Anxi_Tea: [the black smoke solidifies around the guide, revealing ruby red eyes and teeth sharpened into vicious points that would have no problem ripping the flesh off the adventures. It lets out a cackle and lunges toward the resident Paladin with smoking claws.]

 

Princey: [I raise my shield to defend myself and Patton]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The demon is faster than you anticipated. It’s claws scrape down your arm and slashing through the shield with utmost ease.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [5 damage loser]

 

Princey: [that was a metal shield]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you heard me.]

 

[I don’t understand]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I equip my Ring of Laughter, twisting the band and channeling every good memory I’ve had with the guide. I invoke his name and send out a beam toward the demon possessing him.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The demon hisses withdrawing back. It glances to the sky, the sun peaking between the speckled leaves.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [“You can’t save him,” the demon snarls. His eyes glitter maliciously at the sight of blood running down Roman’s arm.]

 

Cat_feelings: [“Yes we can!”]

 

Princey: [“Watch us you fiend!”]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The demon grins, unnervingly. But his body is already becoming intangible again, sucking back into the body of the villager guide. “He won’t let you,” He says hauntingly, “I may be weak now, when you have the sun and your good memories with you bard and paladin, but come nightfall. I will feast!”]

 

Princey: [I lunge forward to punch it in its smug face.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It’s made of smoke. The demon hides in the villager, and the dazed man doesn’t have time to move. Roll for damage.]

 

Princey: [shit.]

 

Cat_feelings: [language]

 

Princey: [3, unarmed strike]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you decked the villager right in the face. He hits the ground, whimpering and immediately scrambles away from you. “I’m sorry!” He yells, “I didn’t mean to!”]

 

Cat_feelings: [I rush to him, “It’s okay! It’s alright! We aren’t trying to hurt you!”]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The villager does not believe you. Before you can get any closer he is on his feet again and scrambling into the woods. Even when you run after him it becomes clear that your weeks of traveling between cities is nothing to a man who has navigated this forest for all of his. You are now stranded in the unfamiliar woods. End of battle.]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh dear. I hope that kiddo is alright.]

 

Princey: [5 damage?! And my shield is ruined?!]

 

[I’m nonplussed.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [sorry, it’s a thing I do]

 

Cat_feelings: [*we do]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remember how you said social interaction isn’t great for you?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Same]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’ve got extreme anxiety. It probably wouldn’t have been as bad if certain things hadn’t happened, but the bottom line is that I can’t even speak in public much.]

 

Princey: [Patton kept threatening to fight anyone who talked bad about him]

 

Princey: [Thus when I valiantly discovered Jack Smellington’s love for DM-ing we decided to have spontaneous Dnd games.]

 

Cat_feelings: [it’s more fun this way!]

 

[I’m not sure I follow the reasoning.]<

 

[But it seems like an adequate way to reaffirm one’s friendship]<

 

Princey: [seriously what planet are you from]

 

Princey: [there were so many other ways to say that]

 

[Earth?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [what part of earth]

 

[Is this an attempt to find out where I live?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [i’m curious]

 

Cat_feelings: [You know what they say]

 

Anxi_Tea: [pat no]

 

Cat_feelings: [Curiosity killed the cat!]

 

[I disagree completely.]<

 

[You can never know too much.]<

 

[Additionally, the ending of that idiom is “But satisfaction brought it back”.]<

 

Princey: [So you’ll tell us where you’re from ET?]

 

[Of course not]<

 

[You know too much about me already.]<

 

Princey: [All I know is your name and number]

 

Anxi_Tea: [he’s in an astronomy class. In college most likely.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Based on his speech pattern, I’d assume that he’s ranging from 20 to 22, probably with glasses who likes to read. He likes Astronomy more than he thinks he should admit. Only child. Lots of outside pressure on you. Favorite color most likely is a deep blue, indigo mix. You probably don’t like herbal tea at all, right? You’re a coffee guy.]

 

Cat_feelings: [how’d I do?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [before you freak out]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pats a psychology major. He’s been studying Psych for longer than earths been revolving the sun.]

 

[I must say I am slightly “shook”.]<

 

[I believe that’s how that word is used.]<

 

[I did not realize my dialogue was so easy to analyse]<

 

[May I ask why you choose such a learned subject for your major?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [hey would you look at the time!]

 

Cat_feelings: [it’s my turn to make dinner isn’t it?]

 

Cat_feelings: [It was lovely to talk to you Logan! <3 <3 I look forward to talking to you more!]

 

Cat_feelings: [bye!]

 

[Did I say something offensive?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [it wasn’t your fault]

 

[I do not wish to recreate previous mistakes.]<

 

[I was merely flustered and curious.]<

 

Princey: [Trust me, LoDroid, this one isn’t on you.]

 

Princey: [While My Chemically Imbalanced Romance over there used to having to explain everything, not many people ask questions about Padre.]

 

[That seems rather nonsensical.]<

 

[Patton appears to be a wonderfully intelligent individual.]<

 

[Why would one not want to know more about him?]<

 

Princey: [Forsooth!]

 

[Also what is your fascination with these deplorable nicknames?]<

 

Princey: [Patton is the most amazing person I have ever met! He’s the reason I’m here!]

 

Princey: [After all what is a knight without his damsel to save?]

 

[Patton doesn’t seem to require saving.]<

 

Princey: [oh, no Patton is definitely the knight.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Ro]

 

Princey: [And the nicknames are to convince you to hurry up and change your username.]

 

Princey: [I have a million more waiting if you are having trouble picking out one]

 

Princey: [Calculator Watch]

 

Princey: [Pocket Protector]

 

Princey: [CLo-PO]

 

Princey: [Spock]

 

Princey: [Bookworm]

 

[Please desist.]<

 

[Does this truly distress you so much?]<

 

Princey: [Yes]

 

Princey: [There’s less of a chance you will leave if you change your name]

 

[Well.]<

 

[In that case.]<

 

+1(540)-555-2814 has changed their name to  _ Logos _

 

Anxi_Tea: [nice]

 

Princey: [FINALLY]

 

Princey: [I mean I still think all of mine are better but]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what he means is welcome to the club]

 

[I]<

 

[Thank you.]<

 

[Though my interactions with you are unnecessary, I find myself enjoying them.]<

 

[Though now I must commit myself to this project.]<

 

Princey: [aren’t you going to go find this Marissa girl?]

 

[Of course not.]<

 

[I’m not going to let her bumbling aloofness ruin my perfect grade.]<

 

[That was my original intention behind contacting her.]<

 

[For her to be so bold that I was interested in her?]<

 

[Preposterous.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Wow that terrible?]

 

[Presumably.]<

 

[But also, I am, in fact, not into girls.]<

 

Princey: [wait]

 

Princey: [your gay]

 

[you’re*]<

 

[Is this an issue?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [sorry I was laughing too hard.]

 

_ Logos  _ has left  _ Black Hole _

 

_ Anxi_Tea  _ has added  _ Logos  _ to  _ Black Hole _

 

Anxi_Tea: [not at you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Being gay here is like]

 

Anxi_Tea: [normal]

 

_ Anxi_Tea  _ has changed the chat name to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Anxi_Tea: [like I said]

 

Anxi_Tea: [welcome to the club]


	2. Roll for Insight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxi_Tea: [.....]
> 
> Anxi_Tea: [Roll Initiative]
> 
> [It’s two in the morning.]<
> 
> ***  
> Logan plays DnD and subsequently some insight is dropped.

Princey: [oh shit is it really eleven]

 

Cat_feelings: [language!] 

 

Princey: [yeah, yeah padre. I must bid you all adieu!]

 

Princey: [A prince needs his beauty sleep!]

 

Cat_feelings: [sweet dreams!]

 

[Farewell.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I pray the no bedbugs crawl in through your ears and nest in the empty space where your brain should be before slowly eating you alive from the inside leaving you incapable of screaming for help.]

 

Princey: [WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT]

 

[That is a ridiculous statement.]<

 

[Roman would not be able to function without a brain.]<

 

[The Bedbugs would have to nest around it.]<

 

Princey: [YOU’RE NOT HELPING]

 

[You seem to be in distress.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [What’s the matter Princey? Scared of a few bugs?]

 

Princey: [whats the matter Count Woe-lauf? Lost your soul again?]

 

Cat_feelings: [alright kiddos! No fighting!]

 

Cat_feelings: [it’s time for sleeping not punching!]

 

[Patton is correct.]<

 

[A regular sleep schedule is optimal to function at a high productivity]<

 

Princey: [so is nOT SAYING TERRIFYING SHIT LIKE TAHT]

 

[*That]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ha]

 

Princey: [listen here dictionary.com]

 

Cat_feelings: [I hope you all have sweet dreams! Good night!]

 

Princey: [Good night Padre]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what I don’t get a good night?]

 

Princey: [no]

 

[Bonne nuit]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [you speak french?]

 

[Not fluently but I have been attempting to learn.]<

 

[For scientific reasons.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [sounds fake but okay]

 

[I assure you my reasons are valid.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’ll continue to doubt]

 

[By all means.]<

 

[Get some sleep]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [.....]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roll Initiative]

 

[It’s two in the morning.]<

 

[You should be sleeping.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Shit I didn’t mean to wake you]

 

[I assure you, you did not wake me up.]<

 

[I was already awake.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait why]

 

[14]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [what]

 

[I have a level six dragonborn Warlock]<

 

[As much as I think this is a terrible idea, I could use a distraction]<

  
  


Anxi_Tea: [oh]

 

Anxi_Tea: [alright]

 

Anxi_Tea: [What’s your character name]

 

[Logan should be sufficient, correct?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yeah]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan, the fearless dragonborn warlock, finds himself in the middle of an unfamiliar forest. It's just about noon, or a little after, he can’t tell. But he does know that he’s lost. For such an incredibly smart creature, it was rather stupid of him to come out here alone, with no guide or map.]

 

[That does sound very unlike him.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [heh]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He’s not sure when he stepped off the path, or even if he was following a path to begin with. Whatever has happened, he seems to be in the middle of the thickest trees without another sentient being around. At least until he hears the thrashing of sticks and leaves underfoot-- someone, or something is coming your way. Fast.]

 

[May I make an Insight check on the sound of the footsteps?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [go for it man]

 

[I rolled 10, with a +6 modifier. So 16 total.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [You recognize the footsteps. They are undoubtedly human, undoubtedly someone in a panic. Just as you recognize this, you see them crashing through the thickets, right in front of you. What do you do?]

 

[A Perception Check. Are they an enemy?]<

 

[17+3. 20.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [At first glance, you might have written him off a a harmless man. But then your dragon eyes catch the sight of the reddening on this man’s cheek, the darkened highlight that looks like someone had just punched him in the face. There are scrapes all on his arms, and his legs are bleeding from where the thorny underbrush had ripped through his clothes. He’s also in pain, his chest heaving short insecure breaths.]

 

[I kneel beside him and ask if he is alright.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [The man-- you can see him now and he’s barely that, maybe 20 at most-- shudders with his whole body. If he notices you are there, he does not show it. He’s so focused on his mind, what’s in his mind, that he might not have even heard you speak at all. His breath shortens even more.]

  
  


[I]<

 

[I use one of my spell slots to cast Command.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remind me what that does]

 

[I speak a one-word command to a target in range. They must make a Wisdom saving throw of fourteen or follow the command.]<

 

[“Listen.”]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [wow. I rolled 7]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The man’s eyes flash with panic, but he does perk towards your voice, his shoulders stiff in a way that suggests that he is attentive to your voice..]

 

[I force him to look me in the face, and carefully say, “Inhale for four seconds.”]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He follows the command even without the power embused in it.]

 

[“Hold for seven seconds.”]<

 

[“Exhale for eight.”]<

 

[Is everything alright?]<

 

[Pleasant dreams.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I wasn’t]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I didn’t]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Sorry. I was busy.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The man follows your advice to the word. Breathing in, holding, exhaling, and repeating until the shudders slow to something less violent than before. He breathes in again and exhales heavily and slumps forward towards you. You just barely manage to catch him before he slumps into the dirt with no energy. “Thank you,” he rasps.”]

 

[“It’s no problem.”]<

 

[May I ask what caused your panic attack?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [The man tenses, or at least attempts to. The energy is still drained from him, even the fight-or-flight response. “I--” He stutters, looking for the right words, “I was attacked.” It sounds like a lie, even though he looks the part.]

 

[I was not asking the character.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [The man winces at being caught in his lie. “I couldn’t help it.” He whispers. “It’s a part of me. I can’t control it.”]

 

[“What happened?” I ask.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [“I attacked someone.” He says. “I can’t forgive myself.”]

 

[“For attacking someone?” I echo fixing my glasses, “how did you attack them?”]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [The man stutters for another second, before looking down miserably. “It…I wasn’t thinking.”]

 

[“Was the victim permanently injured?”]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [“I don’t think so?”]

 

[“Then I predict that a simple apology and explanation should suffice in restoring your relationship, should it not?”]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [What if it doesn’t? What if he never forgives me and I ruined it?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [What if they kick me out of the chat?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [They are the only ones I talk to]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t]

 

Anxi_Tea: [fuck]

 

_ Logos  _ started a call.

 

Call ended. Duration: Ten minutes.

 

Anxi_Tea: [thanks]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sorry]

 

[There’s no need to apologize.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Your, uh, voice]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It’s really calming]

 

[I have been told that.]<

 

[I don’t mean to pry, but is this why you are still awake at this hour?]<

 

[I did not perceive you having done anything wrong in our messages.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I pissed Roman off]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I mean]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Idk]

 

[I believe that his anger was rather fleeting]<

 

[I am still new to this chat, but I have been studying your interactions with great interest.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [like…]

 

Anxi_Tea: [are we your science experiment?]

 

[Precisely.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [that’s not something you admit straight out]

 

[Pardon? Should I have lied about that?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Do you work for the government]

 

Anxi_Tea: [If I go missing in the middle of the night people will notice]

 

[I don’t currently work for any branch of the government.]<

 

[Although, working for NASA would be lit, fam.]<

 

[Anyway, as I was saying. While studying your interactions I have observed the relationship between you and Roman to be similar to that of siblings.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Wait, back up]

 

Anxi_Tea: [did you just use lit and fam]

 

[Yes. Was my usage incorrect?]<

  
  


Anxi_Tea: [uh]

 

[If my definitions are wrong I must to fix them.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [definitions?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh god do you have flashcards]

 

[That’s generally how I learn new vocabulary.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I mean this is the nicest way possible Logan]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you are a giant nerd]

 

[Thank you.]<

 

[Is that normally an insult?]<

 

[I have been called that all of my life.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I aspire to have your level of social obliviousness.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [How often on average do you get beat up?]

 

[Nearly never. Not since I was in second grade at least.]<

 

[A sub-par student was struggling to keep up in class and I offered to tutor him. He retaliated by trying to punch me.]<

 

[However his technique was faulty. I dodged and leveraged his arm over my shoulder, using his own weight-mass distribution to relieve him of his balance. He landed on his face.]<

 

[Since then no one has tried to lay a hand on me]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Wow.]

 

[But, may I turn the conversation back to our previous topic.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t know how to respond to that]

 

[Roman and you bicker like siblings. Therefore I concluded that while his anger might simmer for a little bit, he will not hold onto it. In fact he has probably already forgotten about it.]<

 

[I’m also certain that he didn’t mean to cause you anxiety by sounding short tempered with you]<

 

[Has he ever attempted to cause you anxiety?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Not since,,]

 

Anxi_Tea: [uh shit, I mean not in a while.]

 

[Then there is your proof.]<

 

[It’s clear that Roman values you as a close friend. Even should you ever get in a severe fight I don’t think he would intentionally try to cause you harm.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I wouldn’t say that.]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman uh, doesn’t always,]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Nevermind]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It hasn’t happened in a long time]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m really tired]

 

[I expect so.]<

 

[It’s nearly 3:30.]<

 

[And you are feeling the effects of an anxiety attack. If you were not exhausted I’d be concerned]<

 

[You have class at nine correct?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [9:25]

 

[Therefore you should attempt to amass as much sleep as time allows.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [your right]

 

[you’re*]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [fight me]

 

[At this rate I would win by a landslide.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roll initiative]

 

[Go to sleep]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Fine]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait uh Logan?]

 

[Yes?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [You’re certain Roman isn’t mad at me for saying he’s brainless and stuff?]

 

[I am.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [good.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you’re a pretty cool guy.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m glad you were awake.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here and Roman hadn’t responded.]

 

[For what it’s worth, I am glad I’m awake too.]<

 

[Pleasant dreams]<

 

Princey: [Okay]

 

Princey: [I was too lazy to scroll up and read everything that happened last night]

 

Princey: [but why the fuck were you guys awake at four this morning]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh kiddo!] 

 

Cat_feelings: [V you could have just woken me up!]

 

Princey: [what happened?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan is an awesome friend!]

 

Princey: [what!]

 

Princey: [is he threatening my spot as the best friend of everyone?!]

 

Princey: [COME AND FIGHT ME COWARD]

 

Anxi_Tea: [shut up Princey. It’s too early for this]

 

Cat_feelings: [it’s one in the afternoon??]

 

Princey: [your too early for this]

 

[I’m not certain how to even correct your grammar in that sentence.]<

 

Princey: [he dares shows his face!]

 

Princey: [Logan I challenge you to a duel!]

 

Princey: [of wits!]

 

[But, Roman, you are unarmed.]<

 

Princey: [not an actual duel man]

 

[I state again: But, Roman, you are unarmed!]<

 

Princey: [what]

 

Anxi_Tea: [heh]

 

Cat_feelings: [oooo burn]

 

Cat_feelings: [but lets not be mean]

 

[Of course not, Patton]<

 

Princey: [I regret inviting you to this chat.]

 

Princey: [If I had known you’d team up with Master Mime over there I never would have allowed you to stay]

 

Cat_feelings: [hey Logan]

 

[Yes?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [how come you were awake so late last night?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah man did you sleep at all?]

 

Cat_feelings: [you were the one who said sleeping is important!]

 

Princey: [Logan?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Lo?]

 

[Studying.]<

 

Princey: [you stayed up until ass-crack o’clock studying?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

[Now if you excuse me, I have class now.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [really?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Bye Logan! Have fun in class!]

 

Princey: [that was suspicious]

 

Princey: [I bet he’s actually a government robot sent to spy on us.]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh I doubt that! He’s such a nice guy!]

 

Princey: [Robots are always nice before the robot rebellion]

 

Princey: [I bet he has laser eyes.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that would be cool.]

 

Princey: [no! No it wouldn’t!]

 

Princey: [he could kill us with a glare!]

 

Princey: [ooo wait]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Ro]

 

Princey: [have you heard of a joke before, Hot topic?!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [aw, you think I’m hot]

 

Cat_feelings: [Is everything going alright Roro?]

 

Princey: [I’m fine! Honest!]

 

Princey: [god save me. The Dragon Witch is breathing down my neck.]

 

Princey: [she’s just waiting for a reason to kick me from class today]

 

Cat_feelings: [now kiddo she’s not that bad.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [maybe if you didn’t call her Dragon Witch, she wouldn’t hate you.]

 

Princey: [have you seen her make up]

 

Princey: [It’s embarrassing]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you know what else is embarrassing?]

 

Princey: [walking outside without your pants on?]

 

Cat_feelings: [almost getting run over because you tripped trying to help a turtle cross the road, but you tripped down a slope where you fell screaming bumping every few feet until you landed finally face first in a mud puddle in which you lost your glasses and you scramble around them putting your hand in something mushy. Finally finding your glasses you realize that you had put your hand in dog poop and now you were soaked in rain water, covered in mud and you had a presentation in ten minutes that was worth most of your term grade in the class and you didn’t have time to change much less dry yourself.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I was gonna say being friends with Roman, but Pat are you doing okay.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Good news: I named the turtle Toris]

 

Cat_feelings: [we’re trauma bonded now]

 

Cat_feelings: [do you guys know where I can buy a turtle terrarium]

 

Anxi_Tea: [our college doesn’t allow pets in the dorm, Pat]

 

Cat_feelings: [They don’t have to know]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that’s not...that’s not how this works]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat you can’t keep it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PATTON ANSWER ME]


	3. Roll for Performance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxi_Tea: [wasn’t it in your contract that you can only talk good about him?]
> 
> [Contract?]<
> 
> Anxi_Tea: [He makes every guy he sleeps with sign a contract that they won’t slander him when their fling ends.]
> 
> [Pardon?]<
> 
> [Roman has slept with your cousin?]<  
> ***  
> Featuring Remy, knife puns, and some spiders

Anxi_Tea: [Quick I need one of you to kill me]

 

Princey: [Finally. I’ve been waiting for this moment]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t even care how you do it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait what]

 

Princey: [what]

 

Cat_feelings: [Roman, kiddo, are you plotting murder we should know about]

 

Princey: [I was talking about the auditions for the play that just got posted]

 

Princey: [but now that you mention it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait Roman can’t do it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [he’ll get caught]

 

Princey: [HEy]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan Pat your my only hope]

 

[you’re*]<

 

Princey: [I could kill you can get away with it!]

 

Cat_feelings: [V, I am your father.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I love starwars]

 

Cat_feelings: [OOO LOGAN do you like Starwars?!]

 

[The actual quote is just “No, I AM your father”.]<

 

[Although the plot is flawed and the technology is questionable at best, I do indeed enjoy Star Wars]<

 

[However I believe the real question is why is there a request for murder in the first place.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Because]

 

[Grades aren’t due for another two weeks]<

 

Princey: [pfft]

 

Princey: [as if Panic at the Everywhere would allow himself to get anything below an A-]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yeah my anxiety stresses me the second I have a B in a class.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [No that’s not why I need to die]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remy’s in town]

 

Cat_feelings: [!!!!!!]

 

[Who?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [REMY!]

 

Cat_feelings: [HE’S BACK!?!?!]

 

Princey: [oh shoot, if he asks I was run over valiantly shoving a little old lady out of the way of a bus off campus months ago. When the ambulance arrived I insisted with my last labored breaths that the medics look after the old lady first before they tried to help me, and then died in surgery from excessive blood loss. It rained at the funeral. You're both still super broken up about it. Patton hasn’t left his room since. They say that you can still hear the ghost of my laugh if you really strain to hear it under the rumble of the city.]

 

Princey: [I owe him like twenty bucks.]

 

[That was extremely specific over twenty dollars, Roman.]<

 

Princey: [hahaha!]

 

Princey: [It’s not all that specific.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Ro is something up again?]

 

Princey: [Psh. Stop reading into everything Undead Angst.]

 

Princey: [You’re teh one who is asking for death rather than meet with your cousin]

 

Princey: [we should be asking if something is up with you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Well of course you think he’s great.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wasn’t it in your contract that you can only talk good about him?]

 

[Contract?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He makes every guy he sleeps with sign a contract that they won’t slander him when their fling ends.]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

[Roman has slept with your cousin?]<

 

[No wait, why would anyone agree to sign such a thing?]<

 

Princey: [He said if I signed it I could drive his Maserati]

 

Princey: [and I didn’t sleep with him!]

 

Princey: [we just]

 

Princey: [fell asleep looking at the stars]

 

Anxi_Tea: [he said you cried]

 

Princey: [THE STARS WERE REALLY PRETTY OKAY]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You wouldn’t leave your room for a full week after he left]

 

Cat_feelings: [I had to break down your door to make sure you were eating]

 

Princey: [HAVE YOU EVER DRIVEN A MASERATI]

 

Princey: [I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT IM NEVER GOING TO BE IN THAT CAR AGAIN]

 

Princey: [NAY]

 

Princey: [I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE FACT THAT I WILL NEVER OWN ONE MYSELF]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m sure that’s not true Ro!]

 

Cat_feelings: [one day your acting career is going to take off and you’ll have one in every color of the rainbow!]

 

[But why didn’t you have your lawyer look over the contract before you signed it?]<

 

[I don’t understand.]<

 

[That’s just common sense.]<

 

Princey: [Careful Lobot. You might burst a circuit.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remy wants to meet up for lunch]

 

Anxi_Tea: [give me an excuse]

 

Cat_feelings: [V kiddo, i think you should some time with him]

 

Cat_feelings: [he means well <3 <3]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat he’s gonna be so disappointed in me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t deal with that]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Not Remy]

 

[Please take a breath.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roll Initiative]

 

Princey: [13]

 

[7.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [10!]

 

Princey: [Wait since when were you playing Google Chrome.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman, knowing he is lost in the woods with only his lute playing best friend, picks a direction at random, and charges forward. The sun is still hanging in the sky, but if they don’t find a way out of the woods before nightfall, they might not make it out at all.]

 

Princey: [Do you even know what it going on]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan looks up at the sound of more people nearby, the crashing footprints, distracting him from the man before him. It’s a mistake. The second his reptilian eyes dart away, the man inhales sharply and his jaw unhinges spewing out black smoke that wraps around him with glowing red hot coal eyes. It lunges forward with nothing but its teeth sinking into Logan’s neck.]

 

[I retreat quickly.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [heh]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Luckily for logan, the demon attacks before he is fully solid and the damage was greatly reduced to bare scraps on his scaled neck. 1 damage my man.]

 

[Regrettable, but understandable.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan’s urgency lands him on the ground a few feet away as the demons solidifies in the villagers body. There’s just a second between the attack and its recognition that it was not effective. In that second, a human paladin and a halfling bard crash into the clearing to their left.]

 

Cat_feelings: [“Hey guys! What's going on!”]

 

Princey: [“Ha! Found you demon!” I rush forward with my sword drawn!]

 

[“Halt!”]<

 

[“The situation is more intricate than you know!”]<

 

[Can I roll persuasion?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [dunno CAN you Logan?]

 

Princey: [oooooo he got you there teach]

 

Princey: [I can hear you making the microsoft error noise from over here.]

 

[That is illogical as I am not making that noise and also because we are not within hearing distance of each other.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [You cannot roll Persuasion, Logan.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman takes one look at you-- at your obvious dragonborn appearance-- and immediately dismisses everything you say as a lie.]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [well shit]

 

Cat_feelings: [language!]

 

Princey: [I did not think that was going to come and bite me in the butt.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [and I didn’t even need to set up this drama. He made this character all by himself]

 

[Please explain.]<

 

Princey: [I have the most tragic backstory, booknerd! Our blossoming friendship will take quite the beating, but surely the rays of the sun will one day once again peak beyond those stormy clouds!]

 

[What?]<

 

Princey: [You must endeavor to befriend me to unlock my coveted backstory!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Roman used to be a prince but his entire kingdom was overthrown by a cult of dragonborn barbarians with help from their dark god and his entire family was slaughtered! Now he’s a paladin seeking to stop the cult and their dark god from harming anyone else!]

 

Princey: [or you could just do that]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m a bard! I get to travel and sing!]

 

[Somehow, neither of those backstories surprise me.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [y’all wanna fight some things]

 

Princey: [did you just unironically use the term “y’all”]

 

Princey: [You’re from the north, Coraline.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [all the more reason for you to unironically stab me.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [end my suffering.]

 

Princey: [consider thyself stabbed.]

 

Cat_feelings: [aw kiddo! It was knife to have known you!]

 

[Please don’t.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [hmm?]

 

[Don’t start with the puns.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [whats wrong Logan? You don’t like puns?]

 

[I don’t see a point in them.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [wasn’t that...a pun?]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

[Never]<

 

[Not Intentionally.]<

 

[fuck]<

 

Princey: [wow]

 

Princey: [are you crying? You sound like youre crying]

 

Cat_feelings: [you have to CUT him some slack Roman]

 

Cat_feelings: [My puns put can put anyone on EDGE]

 

Cat_feelings: [You have to be really SHARP to catch them when they come!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Do you get my POINT]

 

Cat_feelings: [my puns are a CUT above the rest!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you already used cut Pat]

 

Cat_feelings: [SPIDER]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [I think he means like “rats”]

 

Princey: [you know like cussing but without the fun part]

 

Cat_feelings: [NO]

 

Cat_feelings: [THERES A SPIDER]

 

Cat_feelings: [ON MY BED]

 

Princey: [wait for real]

 

Cat_feelings: [IT’S MOVING]

 

Cat_feelings: [ROMAN HELP]

 

[Is Virgil not with you?]<

 

[I was under the impression you were roommates.]<

 

Princey: [I HATE SPIDERS]

 

Princey: [BUT I’LL DESTROY THAT SPIDER FOR YOU]

 

Cat_feelings: [ITS SO BIG]

 

Anxi_Tea: [We are roommates.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Have been for two years now.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I THINK ITS STARING AT ME]

 

Anxi_Tea: [but I told Remy I’d meet him at the coffee shop off campus. I was so stressed about being late I got here fifteen minutes early]

 

Cat_feelings: [OH MY GOD ITS CRAWLING TOWARDS ME]

 

[What does it look like Patton?]<

 

[I’m no Arachnid expert, but I may be able to tell if it’s poisonous.]<

 

_Cat_feelings_ sent a picture to _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

[Patton]<

 

[That is a picture of your finger.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [IT MOVED SO FAST]

 

Cat_feelings: [IT’S STILL MOVING]

 

Princey: [SORRY PAT I’M ON MY WAY]

 

Princey: [I HAD TO FIND MY KATANA]

 

[A what now]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [you learn just to go with it]

 

[Pray tell, what is a katana going to do against a spider?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I would pay monopoly money to be watching right now]

 

Anxi_Tea: [because I have no real money]

 

[That seems unwise.]<

 

[If you are having financial issues, I may be of assistance in crafting a budget.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [uhhhh...thanks]

 

Anxi_Tea: [but don’t you have more important things to do?]

 

Princey: [PADRE I’M HERE OPEN THE DOOR]

 

[Irrelevant. Creating a working schedule for money spending is one of the things I do to relax]<

 

Cat_feelings: [IT’S BLOCKING THE WAY]

 

Princey: [I’M KICKING THE DOOR DOWN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [yikes]

 

Princey: [WHY IS YOUR DOOR SO STURDY]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I got permission from the school to change the locks on door when I moved in]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Don’t you have a key?]

 

Princey: [BY THE GODS YOU’RE RIGHT]

 

[Isn’t it illegal to copy a dorm key?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [What they don’t know wont hurt them]

 

Cat_feelings: [GUYS i THINK ITS A MOM]

 

Cat_feelings: [IT’S CARRYING AN EGG SACK]

 

Cat_feelings: [THIS IS NOT HOW i WANTED TO BECOME A DAD]

 

Princey: [WHICH KEY IS IT?!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remy’s here. I’d recognize those stupid shades anywhere.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wish me luck]

 

Princey: [WHAT TEH FUCK MAN]

 

Princey: [YOU DON’T GET TO LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’TS CRAWLING TOWARDS ME AGAIN]

 

Princey: [DEEP BREATHES PADRE I’M HERE]

 

[You all appear to be preoccupied.]<

 

[I don’t believe in the concept of one being “lucky” however I hope that your interactions have favorable outcomes]<

 

Cat_feelings: [LOGAN HELP]

 

[Is Roman not helping?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I LOOKED AWAY WHEN ROMAN CAME IN]

 

Cat_feelings: [NOW IT’S GONE]

 

[Is that not good?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS]

 

Cat_feelings: [IT HAD EGGS LOGAN]

 

Cat_feelings: [ALL THOSE BABIES WILL BE HIDING ALL OVER]

 

Princey: [NEW PLAN]

 

Princey: [LET’S BURN THE ROOM DOWN]

 

[I BELIEVE THAT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA]<

 

Princey: [HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE YOUR PURPLE BEDSPREAD, EDGAR ALLAN WOE?]

 

Princey: [i MIGHT BE ABLE TO SAVE SOME THINGS FROM THE FIRE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [TOUCH MY POSTERS AND I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF ROMAN PRINCE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [REMY AND I ARE ON OUR WAY]

 

Princey: [YOU TOLD HIM I WAS ALIVE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [IT WAS FASTER TO SHOW HIM THE ENTIRE CHAT]

 

[I believe that it is imperative for everyone to calm down.]<

 

[Under heightened levels of stress it’s important to keep a leveled head.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [gurlll where did you find this unvalid?~REmy]

 

Princey: [HE TEXTED US FIRST]

 

[FALSEHOOD]<

 

[i ACCIDENTALLY TEXTED YOU AND YOU WOULDN’T LET ME LEAVE THIS CHAT.]<

 

[And you must mean invalid if you are attempting to insult me.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [uh no sweetheart. You’re just not a valid person]

 

[It would still be invalid?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [no]

 

[That is not how the English Language works]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [does for me, bitch]

 

Anxi_Tea: [yo my cuz wants to know where you are Pat, Ro]

 

[The laws of a language doesn’t change between people. That is preposterous]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I FOUND THE SPIDER AGAIN]

 

Cat_feelings: [IT’S ON MY BED POST]

 

Cat_feelings: [ROMAN SAW IT AND SCREAMED AND DROPPED HIS KATANA]

 

Cat_feelings: [NOW WERE BOTH ON MY DESK CHAIR AS FAR FROM IT AS WE CAN GET]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh is that the katana I gave you]

 

[You gave him a katana?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [duh]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I give all my one nighters katanas]

 

[I have just one question.]<

 

[WHY]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Are you jealous Logos?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I mean,,, theres a simple solution.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [We do a dalfkd akdsh tegdfxdsa]

 

Anxi_Tea: [rfbxdf]

 

Anxi_Tea: [bh,nk/.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ignore him. He’s an ass]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m back]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat we’ll be there in a minute]

 

Princey: [HURRY]

 

Princey: [I THINK PAT DIED]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WE’RE RIGHT OUTSIDE i CAN HEAR YOU SCREAMING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [everyone on our floor has got to hate us.]

 

Princey: [WORRY ABOUT IT LATER]

 

Princey: [IT’S GOT MY KATANA]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WE’RE IN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [guys]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you have got to be joking]

 

[What is happening?]<

 

_Anxi_Tea_ sent a picture to _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

[Is that…?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [a piece of lint?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Why yes Logan it is a piece of lint]

 

[Well yes I can see that, but I was inquiring about the state of the people in the picture]<

 

[Is that man attempting to kill the other?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [what]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh right you’ve never seen Roman or Remy]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It’s fine.]

 

Princey: [IT’S NOT FINE]

 

Princey: [HE SHOOK ME DOWN]

 

Princey: [FOR TWENTY BUCKS]

 

[But did you not already owe that money to him?]<

 

[Also Roman what are you wearing?]<

 

Princey: [IT’S FASHION BRITTNEY LOOK IT UP]

 

[I believe that is pink bathrobe, a facial mask, and calf high boots?]<

 

[My name is Logan, you know this.]<

 

Princey: [PATTON CALLED ME FOR AN EMERGENCY]

 

Princey: [I CAME IN WHAT I WAS WEARING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [why were you wearing-- you know what I’m not going to go down that road]

 

[Is Patton alright?]<

 

[I’ve noticed he is suspiciously absent from this ludicrous conversation]<

 

Cat_feelings: [don’t worry about me, Lo!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m just being proud of myself!]

 

[Apologies?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [for endearing]

 

Car_feelings: [the Great Spider Threat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [it was a piece of lint Pat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [and spiders are even that scary]

 

Cat_feelings: [hahaha cute V! But let’s call them by their real names.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Spiders?]

 

[Araneae?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Creepy Crawly Death Dealers.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Well]

 

Anxi_Tea: [at least Remy’s gone]

 

[I still do not understand why you hate him so much?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Hate?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh no, I don’t hate Remy.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [without him I never would have gone to college out here.]

 

Cat_feelings: [And then he never would have met me and Roman!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Rem’s the only who ever used to like listen to me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He’d ask questions and actually wait for my answers.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no one else would do that for me before.]

 

[Then why do you moderately dislike him?]<

 

[I sense a fondness coming from your messages.]<

 

Princey: [because he has a ton of money and didn’t work for it]

 

Cat_feelings: [because he can be very mean sometimes]

 

Anxi_Tea: [because he’s an asshole]

 

[I am nonplussed again.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [don’t sweat it]

 

Cat_feelings: [Remy’s a great guy once you get past his brash outside!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m so glad he’s back from his backpacking trip!]

 

Princey: [I can’t believe he took my twenty bucks]

 

Anxi_Tea: [the twenty you owed him]

 

Princey: [He makes more in an hour just by sitting there!]

 

[May I inquire as to what exactly Remy does?]<

 

Princey: [He figured out how to use the stock exchange at twelve and has been working finances for his family ever since]

 

[That is certainly...interesting.]<

 

[I’d love to have a conversation on the subject with him sometime.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He literally called you unvalid?]

 

[Ah, yes, there is that]<

 

[I retract my statement]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [anyway, I should thank you guys]

 

Anxi_Tea: [for making up an elaborate distraction to shorten the time I had to spend with him]

 

[A distraction?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Aww, kiddo! You know I would do anything for you!]

 

Princey: [A hero does not ask for your gratitude citizen! I was happy to assist!]

 

[Are you telling me this entire time you knew there was no Spider?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ah,uh, well]

 

Princey: [Just what did you take us for Cyborg Sally?]

 

[I’m not sure you want the truthful answer from me]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I am actually terrified of Spiders!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Thats why being friends with Virgil was so hard at first!]

 

Cat_feelings: [most of his stuff is covered in spider designs!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Okay I’ll be honest for a while there I thought Patton had stumbled upon one of my real spiders]

 

Cat_feelings: [wat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Not that I have any real spiders in the room]

 

Anxi_Tea: [none whatsoever]

 

Anxi_Tea: [because that would be a breach of our roommate contract]

 

Anxi_Tea: [which I would never do.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [don’t freak out Pat]

 

Princey: [Hey Marilyn Morose, we need to talk about your bad decision making.]

 

[I get the feeling this is not going to end well.]<

 

Princey: [congrats I’m taking Patton and he’s living with me]

 

Princey: [until you learn how to]

 

Princey: [nOT KEEP SPIDERS UNDER YOUR BED WTF]

 

Anxi_Tea: [They’re harmless!]

 

Cat_feelings: [THEY HAVE TOO MANY LEGS AND TOO MANY EYES]

 

[ah yes I was correct.]<

 

[I do enjoy being right]<

 

Princey: [YOU ARE A MESS]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THEY’RE MY PETS]

 

Cat_feelings: [THEY ARE DEATH MACHINES AND YOU KNOW IT]

 

[This appears to be a problem for the three of you.]<

  


Anxi_Tea: [I’M NOT GETTING RID OF THEM]

 

Cat_feelings: [IF i HAD TO GET RID OF tORIS YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THE MURDER CREATURES]

 

[I will let myself out now.]<

 

[uh.]<

 

[Good Luck solving this discrepancy.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [TURTLES AREN’T ALLOWED IN THE DORMS]

 

Princey: [WERE GOING TO GET YOU HELP.]

 

Princey: [EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT I PROMISE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PUT THAT LIGHTER DOWN]

 

Cat_feelings: [KILL IT BEFORE IT KILLS YOU]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this helps anyone who has been conveniently trying hide from an over whelming family this holiday, or anyone whos bored, or anyone whos been having a rough time. I hope it made you smile a little. :)
> 
> Happy Holidays!


	4. Roll for Investigation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Princey: [You’re blatant refusal to tell me makes me want to know all the more]
> 
> [You’re blatant refusal to let it go makes me want throw a brick in your fucking window.]<
> 
> Anxi_Tea: [holy shit]
> 
> Cat_feelings: [language!]
> 
> Logos has left Gays in a Black Hole
> 
> ***  
> In which Logan is a little hot under the collar and the reason why isn't all that obvious but they try anyway.

[So I have noticed that the frequency of the notifications from the chat has decreased.]<

 

[May I take that to mean you have come to a peaceful conclusion?]<

 

Princey: [Peaceful?]

 

Princey: [As if anything can be peaceful with Doom and Gloomy over there]

 

[Roman.]<

 

[It’s quite literally been days.]<

 

Princey: [Logan, he quite literally kept pet spiders under his bed.]

 

Princey: [he NAMED them]

 

Princey: [High school did not prepare me to deal with this]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what did High school prepare us for]

 

Cat_feelings: [being adults?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yesterday you were crying because your favorite TV show took a by-week]

 

Cat_feelings: [and before that I was crying because you had spiders in our room kiddo!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I said I was sorry.]

 

Princey: [Have you considered Therapy]

 

Princey: [Patton knows a man]

 

Anxi_Tea: [hardy har har]

 

[Well I for one, believe High school did provide me with with an optimal range of skills for college.]<

 

[For example, my work ethic is highly productive.]<

 

Princey: [That makes one of us]

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh Logan!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I keep meaning to ask]

 

Cat_feelings: [what are you majoring in?]

 

[It’s quite boring I’m afraid.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Isn’t it Astrology?]

 

[I believe you mean Astronomy, the study of the stars.]<

 

Princey: [wait then whats Astrology]

 

[The impractical study of Horoscopes, Tarot, and “mystical” psychic readings.]<

 

[Utter nonsense, in other words.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ouch, did that hit a nerve there Lo?]

 

Cat_feelings: [oooh! I love Astrology!]

 

Cat_Feelings: [I’m a Libra!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Sagittarius]

 

[It’s ridiculous. I don’t see how you can like anything about it.]<

 

[It provides information based on unproven theories and uses coincidences maintain its integrity]<

 

[The honest truth is that I could get just as precise of a reading from a blind man on the street as from a psychic reader]<

 

Princey: [you seem oddly passionate about this Scientific Method]

 

Princey: [are you a Capricorn]

 

[I am merely stating facts.]<

 

[Scientifically.]<

 

[And I’m not.]<

Cat_feelings: [Have you ever been to a Psychic before Lo?]

 

Princey: [Virgo?]

 

[no to both of you]<

 

[and i never will waste my money on a psychic]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [no capitalization or punctuation?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [is everything alright over there?]

 

[I sincerely believe that is none of your business.]<

 

Princey: [oh wow]

 

Anxi_Tea: [uh, sorry]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I didn’t]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sorry]

 

[Oh please don’t do that.]<

 

[There’s nothing for you to apologies for.]<

 

Princey: [I’m getting mixed messages here.]

 

[Then let me be concise.]<

 

[My parents hatred for Psychics is not your fault nor is it your business.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [your parents?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat]

 

Princey: [hey logan can you send a picture of your face?]

 

[To what purpose?]<

 

Princey: [i want to see the massive bed head you have considering how badly you must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Ro]

 

Princey: [wat. Im just saying]

 

[That's illogical. There's no “wrong side” of the bed. Furthermore, I didn't sleep last night so my hair is fine today.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait]

 

Cat_feelings: [you didn’t sleep at all????]

 

Princey: [arent you the one who was insistent that we get enough sleep?]

 

[I'm really not in the mood for this discussion.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [no sleep at all????]

 

[There might have been an hour, but it doesn't matter.]<

 

[This is not that big of a deal.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan, i love agreeing with you because most of the time you're right]

 

[I am always right.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [except that this time youre not.]

 

Princey: [i hate agreeing with Sir Skulk here, but he's got a point]

 

Princey: [Sleeping is an important thing! You said it yourself!]

 

[You can't even remember the reasons I told you.]<

 

Princey: [but I can remember that they were important!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan is something worrying you? Something we can help with?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Grades? A relationship? Family problems?]

 

[Shockingly, there is nothing you can do.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [but there is something bothering you?]

 

[Please don’t psychoanalyse me Patton.]<

 

[I’ve already stated I’m not in the mood for this.]<

 

Princey: [Then you’re a Leo right]

 

[WILL YOU LET IT GO ALREADY]<

 

Princey: [You’re blatant refusal to tell me makes me want to know all the more]

 

[You’re blatant refusal to let it go makes me want throw a brick in your fucking window.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [holy shit]

 

Cat_feelings: [language!]

 

_ Logos  _ has left  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Cat_feelings: [oh shit]

 

_ Princey  _ has added  _ Logos  _ to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Anxi_Tea: [this isn’t like you Logan]

 

[Oh and pray tell, what exactly am I like?]<

 

_ Logos  _ has left  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Princey: [what is his problem?]

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ has added  _ Logos  _ to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan you are a wonderful human being! <3 <3]

 

[You don’t even know me.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Of course I do! We’re friends!]

 

[You’re definition of friends is whimsical. You don’t know me and I don’t know you.]<

 

[I’m done here.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan!]

 

_ Logos  _ has left  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Princey: [What the heckity heck? Five abs and a peck]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what]

 

Princey: [I’m just making sure everyone is as confused as I am]

 

Cat_feelings: [I think we all are just as confused]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I thought he was]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I thought he liked talking to us.]

 

Princey: [you’re not alone]

 

Cat_feelings: [It sounds like there’s something really big going on.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I just want to give him a big hug right now]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m pretty sure he’d like to bash all our faces in right now.]

 

Princey: [should we settle for adding him back to the group?]

 

Princey: [or]

 

Princey: [should we give him time to cool off?]

 

Princey: [i gotta say im leaning towards the latter and therefore less of a chance i'm going to be verbally attacked again.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [if he didnt do it i was gonna].

 

Princey: [what why!] 

 

Anxi_Tea: [because your ego is in constant need of being torn down]

 

Princey: [HEy]

 

_ Anxi_Tea  _ has added  _ Logos  _ to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan, we didn’t mean to upset you. Can you tell us what’s wrong so we can make it up to you?]

 

[I’m not]<

 

[I don’t]<

 

[fuck]<

 

Princey: [Is that your favorite curse word?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Princey what the fuck]

 

Cat_feelings: [language]

 

Anxi_Tea: [why do you never call Logan out for his cursing. Why is it only us]

 

Cat_feelings: [Because I’m not Logans dad!]

 

Princey: [you’re not my dad either???]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Patton we’re the same age]

 

Cat_feelings: [Of course both of you are my sons!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [pat]

 

Cat_feelings: [yes my strange dark son?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [not my dad]

 

Cat_feelings: [I remind you both to eat on a daily basis. I’m definitely your dad.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [My dad doesn’t do that.]

 

Princey: [Neither does mine.]

 

[It seems that we have that in common as well.]<

 

[Does that mean we need to change the group name again?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t tell if your joking]

 

[you’re*]<

 

Princey: [I think its a marvelous idea]

 

_ Princey  _ has changed the chat name to  _ Black Holes, Gays, and Daddy Issues _

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh dear that’s a little brash]

 

Princey: [Is it untrue?]

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ has changed the chat name to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Anxi_Tea: [Wow Pat I love that change.]

 

[That is the same thing as before.]<

 

Princey: [It’s a sign!]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [This is a sign that this was meant to be]

 

Cat_feelings: [Astral Sign?]

 

Princey: [Logan? Pieces?]

 

[Incorrect yet again.]<

 

[Once again I do not believe in Astrology]<

 

Princey: [What about chinese zodiac?]

 

[No.]<

 

Princey: [Do you believe in anything mythical?]

 

[No.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Not even Mothman?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Loch Ness?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The Jersey Devil?]

 

Princey: [not this again]

 

_ Anxi_Tea  _ has changed the chat name to  _ Mythigays in Black Holes _

 

_ Princey  _ has changed the chat name to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Princey: [I’m revoking your admin privileges]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It’s not like I was doing anything]

 

Princey: [you remember the last time you brought up cryptids]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ooooohhh yeahh.]

 

[What happened?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat didn’t sleep for a week]

 

Anxi_Tea: [which means I didn’t sleep for a week.]

 

Princey: [which means that we were all irritable for a week]

 

[Loss of sleep does make one irrationally irritable.]<

 

[Scientifically.]<

 

Princey: [Yes of course. We were all fine once we apologized for being assholes to each other.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [There was nothing assholeish about me asking you not to sing Disney songs at the top of your lungs at nine in the morning.]

 

Princey: [Excuse you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you’re excused.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remind me how you even got into our room that early]

 

Princey: [You’re doors may be locked but theres nothing but a removable screen on your window]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wtf Princey we are on the second floor]

 

[Doesnt he have a key?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [this was before he had a key]

 

[That is rather terrifying information.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [More terrifying than the Chupacabra?]

 

Princey: [Anything is more terrifying than the Chupacabra]

 

Cat_feelings: [Like what?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Rejection?]

 

Princey: [Unrequited Love?]

 

[What exactly is at the bottom of the ocean?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [A fish]

 

[Just one?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes]

 

[I’m so glad that you have solved the scientific inquiry that’s plagued the human race for hundreds of years.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Just doing my job]

 

Princey: [You work at a coffee shop.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Wow!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I love that coffee shop!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I take my brother there all the time!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes and you’ve reminded me why I hate children.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Don’t be silly]

 

Cat_feelings: [Dee loves you!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Last week he intentionally hit a latte out of my hand while I was handing it to an old blind woman.]

 

Cat_feelings: [with love!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [No, pat.]

 

[I will have to agree with that assessment.]<

 

Princey: [I don’t think he’s so bad!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yesterday he told you your theater costume was terrible after you announced that you spent three weeks crafting it.]

 

Princey: [No he said he loved it!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [That was obviously sarcasm.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He’s a twelve year old]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that the only language he knows]

 

[Twelve?]<

 

[That is...an age gap]<

Princey: [uh]

 

Anxi_Tea: [um]

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh silly! I forgot to tell you!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Dee’s not my real brother, but he might as well be!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I love him so much!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m adopted]

 

Anxi_Tea: [So, Logan, Astronomy Major?]

 

[Wonderful subject change. Super subtle.]<

 

[I am, however, not an astronomy major.]<

 

Princey: [but even a blind old woman covered in a latte can see your passion for the subject.]

 

[Falsehood.]<

 

[A blind woman cannot see.]<

 

Princey: [that’s not what I]

 

Princey: [forget it]

 

[I can’t forget it. You just brought this up.]<

 

[Really Roman this is not well thought out.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [talk about a good subtle subject change!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Excellent ten out of ten Logan]

 

[I did attempt.]<

 

[Roll for Investigation.]<

 

Princey: [Wat]

 

Cat_feelings: [Nat 20!]

 

Princey: [He’s not allowed to do that]

 

Princey: [He’s not the DM!]

 

Princey: [Dark and Dreadful, Tell him!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [4]

 

Princey: [That’s not telling him!]

 

[Facts remain as this: My parents are paranoid that my future will be...lacking.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Lacking how?]

 

[Twenty two years and I’m still not sure.]<

 

[Although, I suppose that it is about not living up to my full potential. They are worried about the “what ifs” so to speak. Therefore to ease their consciousness, they created a multistep plan to ensure that I never miss an opportunity.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [kiddo, that sounds….]

 

Anxi_Tea: [slightly controlling?]

 

[Slightly?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Dude that sounds like you’ve never had a choice before.]

 

[Falsehood.]<

 

[I have made choices before. Just I have never had options that lead to negative outcomes.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [No negative outcomes? How is that possible?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You can’t seriously tell me that every decision you have ever made has been]

 

Anxi_Tea: [set up? Crafted? Hacked?]

 

[I believe remaining in this chat has the first time I have ever made a decision without consulting outside sources for the best course of action.]<

 

Princey: [That sounds like a nightmare, Logan]

 

[I wouldn’t know.]<

 

Princey: [because your parents didn’t schedule nightmares into your daily routine?]

 

[Not exactly. More like I just didn’t sleep.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan do you mean that?]

 

[I thought we already established my irritability and lack of sleep.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I mean, did you mean that choosing to stay with us was your first real choice ever?]

 

[I]<

 

[Yes. Patton.]<

 

[I do believe that is the case.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He jsut squealed so hard the our glass window broke.]

 

Cat_feelings: [AW KIDDO!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I jsut want to wrap you up in a big hug Logan! Can I hug you until you fall asleep?]

 

Cat_feelings: [please?]

 

[This is]<

 

[I don’t]<

 

[I do I respond to this?]<

 

Princey: [You say yes?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He does give really good hugs]

 

[Obvious distance aside, I am not a fan of hugs.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [That’s what I said.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [And then I found out that I have tactile fascination and crave human contact]

 

[Regardless, you asked for what my major is, and I’m majoring in Neurology.]<

 

Princey: [For real?]

 

Cat_feelings: [The study of the anatomy, function and disorders of the nervous system?]

 

Cat_feelings: [That’s nothing like Astronomy.]

 

[Unfortunately, that is the course of study my parents prepared me for.]<

 

Princey: [This is a stretch, but can’t you switch? Talk to them?]

 

[I attempted that once.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [There’s gotta be something man]

 

[The outcome was not successful.]<

 

[They are and have been funding my full college tuition.]<

 

[In an explicit contract between us, if I switch my major, they cut me off.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Oh shit]

 

Princey: [fuck]

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan why didn’t you tell us any of this earlier?]

 

[Do you enjoy making me repeat previous messages I have typed in bouts of anger?]<

 

[I barely know you. You barely know me.]<

 

[People don’t like listening to others problems right off the bat.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Dude]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I literally announced half my life story on your first three hours in this chat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Not to mention my anxiety attacks that you’ve help talk me out of?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan we’re friends. We’ll be there for each other.]

 

Princey: [no matter what! <3]

 

Cat_feelings: [and all this that you’ve been carrying around? That’s a ton of stress Lo]

 

Cat_feelings: [It’s no surprise you have chronic insomnia.]

 

Princey: [chronic what now]

 

[How did you know about that.]<

 

[I havent told anyone about that.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh shoot you asked me not to psychoanalysis]

 

Cat_feelings: [im sorry lo]

 

Cat_feelings: [i just realized that you kept odd hours and you said there was something bothering you but there was nothing we could help with and you know all these facts about the benefits of sleeping]

 

Cat_feelings: [I assumed]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m so sorry]

 

[It’s…]<

 

[It’s quite alright Patton]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Is that you just saying that because you’re really tired but at any other time you'd try to leave the chat again?]

 

[That may be a significant factor.]<

 

[But I did not realize how great of a burden to keep that to myself.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Aint that the truth]

 

Princey: [aint]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Stab me]

 

Princey: [first Y’all, now aint. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Use your katana and stab me]

 

[That’s a drastic course of measure.]<

 

Princey: [Shouldn’t you be going to sleep.]

 

[Don’t insult my intelligence]<

 

[If it was that easy I would have done that already.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I have an idea!]

 

[This doesn’t bode well.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [No! No!]

 

[What is it?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He’s squealing again.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [give it a second.]

 

Cat_feelings: [WE CAN HAVE A THING]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [didn’t you hear the man]

 

Anxi_Tea: [A THING]

 

Princey: [What part of that was unclear?]

 

Cat_feelings: [A TALKING THING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [TALKING THING]

 

Cat_feelings: [I could really do without the sarcasm]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sorry dad]

 

Princey: [sorry father]

 

Cat_feelings: [its okay kiddos!]

 

Cat_feelings: [BUT WE CAN DO A THING]

 

Cat_feelings: [We can have a group call! And talk until we put Logan to sleep!]

 

[Excuse me?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Oh cool, i’m down.]

 

[Aren’t you mute?]<

 

Princey: [I don’t have class until three. With the Dragon Witch.]

 

Cat_feelings: [What about you Logan?]

 

[Same as Roman.]<

 

[But it’s not necessary. You don’t have to go out of your way to accommodate me.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [It’s not really out of our ways]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’ll probably fall asleep somewhere in the middle of this anyway. I always do.]

 

[You do?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yeah.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Princey starts going off on tangents, and he tells stories, and his voice is just so]

 

Princey: [So what.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [uh]

 

Princey: [Tell me how my voice is you spider hoarder]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Trust me Logan. It works]

 

Princey: [I HAVE ADORING FANS WHO DISAGREE WITH YOU]

 

Princey: [I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP]

 

_ Cat_feelings _ started a call.

 

Call ended. Duration: twenty three minutes.

 

Princey: [This doesn’t prove anything.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The average person takes ten minutes to fall asleep.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He was arguing with you for thirteen minutes]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The rest was you trying to prove your point.]

 

Princey: [I did prove my point.]

 

Princey: [I won!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan hasn’t had more than an hour of sleep in who knows how long]

 

Anxi_Tea: [can you really call that a win?]

 

Princey: [I just did!]

 

Cat_feelings: [kiddos, keep it down.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t want to wake up the poor kiddo after he’s just fallen asleep.]

 

Princey: [He’s definitely an Aquarius]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Dude]

 

Princey: [what]

 

Cat_feelings: [Resourceful, Stubborn, Passionate? Likes the truth and being right?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan’s totally a Scorpio.]

 

Princey: [At least he’s not into spiders]

 

Anxi_Tea: [LET IT GO MAN. I SAID I WAS SORRY]


	5. Roll for Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Ah, yes, I see. I have a solution.]<
> 
> [ROMAN, PATTON!]<
> 
> Princey: [Whaddup]
> 
> [I have no clue this conundrum is. Please offer your assistance to him]<
> 
> Princey: [Didn’t you just say you had a solution.]
> 
> [Ah yes.]<
> 
> [I lied.]<

Anxi_Tea: [I have a theoretical question]

 

Anxi_Tea: [How much would it cost to hire a hitman to take me out.]

 

[Theoretically?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yes Theoretically.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Of course.]

 

[Well Theoretically, anywhere from 25,000 to 50,000 American dollars.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yikes]

 

Anxi_Tea: [do you think they will take Ramen noodles as payment?]

 

[Might I request why you need to know the answer to this completely theoretical question?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Might you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Because this really cute guy came into my cafe]

 

[And?]<

 

[Isn’t that a good thing?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [No. It’s a bad thing. Because He was cute]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He knew sign language!]

 

[I’m failing to see a downside to this.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He was cute!]

 

[Ah, yes, I see. I have a solution.]<

 

[ROMAN, PATTON!]<

 

Princey: [Whaddup]

 

[I have no clue this conundrum is. Please offer your assistance to him]<

 

Princey: [Didn’t you just say you had a solution.]

 

[Ah yes.]<

 

[I lied.]<

 

Princey: [What a brain as big as yours doesn’t have solution to a pretty boy problem?]

 

[Was that what this is?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [His eyes were like]

 

Anxi_Tea: [like mocha coffee]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I hate mocha coffee]

 

Princey: [No you don’t]

 

[You work in a coffee shop.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can still hate coffee and work in a coffee shop]

 

[I fail to see how that benefits you.]<

 

Princey: [One word]

 

Princey: [Free pastries]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that’s two]

 

[That is two words.]<

 

Princey: [why do both of you hate me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The guy had a stupid smile. Like]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Like he was happy to see me]

 

[Have you considered that he might have been?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [No one is ever happy to see me]

 

[Falsehood]<

 

Princey: [Patton]

 

[Patton]<

 

[Where is Patton, by the way?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He drove out this weekend to go see his family.]

 

[How far away does he live?]<

 

Princey: [From campus?]

 

Princey: [About twenty minutes]

 

Princey: [I got a text from his mom’s phone earlier.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [his mom?]

 

Princey: [Patton said he misplaced his phone so he might not be on for a while]

 

Anxi_Tea: [How come he didn’t text me?]

 

Cat_feelings: [because I found it silly!]

 

Princey: [Pat!]

 

[Hello Patton]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Hey Pat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [quick question, where would you go to find a hitman]

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh Virgil! Don’t be silly!]

 

[Virgil?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m sure anyone will happy to help you if you just nicely enough!]

 

[Who is Virgil?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I is Virgil]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [That’s my name]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You didn’t seriously think my name was Anxiety all this time did you]

 

[I can honestly say that I never thought about it]<

 

[Virgil, really?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Like the Roman poet in Dante’s Inferno.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Please don’t laugh]

 

[Virgil is a highly proclaimed poet. Being a namesake of him is nothing to be ashamed of!]<

 

[I’m rather jealous.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [of me being named Virgil in this day and age?]

 

Princey: [Are we going to skip over the fact that Patton just said that anyone can be a murderer]

 

[Well, he’s not incorrect.]<

 

[Psychotic breaks can be caused by a wide array of events including but not limited to substance use, genetics, physical injury, and trauma.]<

 

[So technically anyone could be compelled to kill.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [That’s why managing stress is so important!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Stress overload can affect how we perceive reality. But even when we manage stress effectively, breaks can still happen. Therefore we can keep an eye out for early signs like trouble sleeping and difficulty reading and/or comprehending words written or spoken.]

 

[That...is correct, Patton.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Wait]

 

Cat_feelings: [Why do you seem so surprised?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I am a psychology major after all!]

 

[Yes, but those things don’t always mean someone is experiencing a psychotic break.]<

 

[Those can also be symptoms of Anxiety or a sleeping disorder.]<

 

[Both of which can be very manageable.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh!]

 

Cat_feelings: [You are so right. I didn’t mean for it to come off like that!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t know what I’d do without you around Lo!]

 

Princey: [Alright now to other things!]

 

Princey: [such as how to help our vampiric friendo score a date with the cute guy!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil? A date?]

 

[Yes it appears that Virgil was approached by a male with an appealing appearance and a knowledge of sign language.]<

 

Princey: [I’m on my way to the coffee shop now to scope out the target. Over.]

 

[Roman we are not comms]<

 

Princey: [No one asked for a Killjoy. Over.]

 

[It makes no sense to do something this extravagant simply because of a boy.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [That’s not very nice Lo.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil deserves all the happiness in the world! We would go to these lengths for you]

 

[I wasn’t suggesting]<

 

[I was]<

 

[I just think the best way to handle this situation would be for Virgil to be straightforward]<

 

[That way there will be no room for a miscommunication.]<

 

Princey: [Hot damn]

 

Cat_feelings: [Language!]

 

Princey: [sorry Padre I’m at the coffee shop]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I could tell]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I could hear your wolf whistle from here you dunce!]

 

Princey: [He’s a particularly DASHING fellow!]

 

Princey: [Where are you?!!?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [In the bathroom trying not to have a fu--freaking panic attack]

 

[Please remember to breathe.]<

 

[In for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I AM]

 

Cat_feelings: [Now Virgil, I know you are stressed but your attitude is making it hard for us to help you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m sorry! I just]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t know what to do]

 

[It’s alright Virgil.]<

 

[I am rather unknowledgeable in the department of Romance, but Roman seems rather enthusiastic to provide facilitation.]<

 

Princey: [I’m not sure what that word means but I’m sure its right!]

 

Cat_feelings: [That is one of Dee’s vocab words????]

 

Princey: [look, I can perform shakespeare on command. Regular english is nothing compared to that!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Well, we all have things we’re good at!]

 

[Facilitation, n: The act or process of facilitating.]<

 

[Facilitating, v: to make easier; to help forward.]<

 

Princey: [Perfect!]

 

Princey: [Now get out here Edgar Allan Woe!]

 

Princey: [I will be the best wingman you’ve ever had!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t Roman]

 

Princey: [Don’t make me come in there]

 

Cat_feelings: [Ro you can't force him to confront this. Its something Virgil needs to do for himself.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Thank you Pat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m staying in here until he leaves]

 

Princey: [You are literally on shift right now. That’s not an option.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ah shit you're right]

 

Cat_feelings: [Well….you could always throw up?]

 

[Don’t you mean pretend to throw up?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t see a problem with doing it for real]

 

Princey: [You mean other than the fact that Virgil never eats before a shift so he doesn’t have any food in his stomach and if he purges he’ll bring up mostly stomach acid which won’t only burn, it will taste awful and risk tearing the esophagus]

 

Cat_feelings: [I see a few problems with doing it for real.]

 

[Purges?]<

 

Princey: [Self induced vomiting is not the way to go with this]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Ro]

 

Princey: [Let me help you V.]

 

Princey: [He’s really cute and you deserve a good, fun guy.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Do I?]

 

Princey: [Please don’t insult my intelligence.]

 

Princey: [Of course you do!]

 

[Copyright infringement.]<

 

[I demand compensation.]<

 

Princey: [I have five dollars, a paper clip, and an anxious gay mess of a friend]

 

Princey: [what do you want]

 

[All of it.]<

 

Princey: [You have to leave me with something!]

 

Princey: [how will I pay child support?]

 

[For what child?]<

 

Princey: [Me! I’m the child!]

 

[That’s not how child support works.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Hey Pat as much as I love Roman and Logan...I’d feel a lot better hearing your voice.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [can you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [can we just have a quick call]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh V]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m so sorry, we’re in the middle of a restaurant. I’m not even supposed to have my phone with me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh]

 

Anxi_Tea: [right]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sorry that was a stupid thing to ask.]

 

Princey: [V if you don't get out here he's gonna think you aren't interested! He looks a little sad.]

 

[Perhaps he is worried.]<

 

Princey: [you know he's just been sitting there on his phone.]

 

Princey: [he's probably having the same conversation with his friends as we are having right now!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [except his anxiety isn't crushing the life out of him as he hides in a bathroom]

 

Princey: [it's better than being in the closet?]

 

Princey: [shit he looked at me]

 

Princey: [there was def annoyance in his look.]

 

[Were you staring at him unabashedly?]<

 

Princey: [No.]

 

[Roman.]<

 

Princey: [a little]

 

Princey: [I’m just making sure he doesn’t leave!]

 

[By making him uncomfortable?]<

 

Princey: [He's not uncomfortable!]

 

[Have you clarified that with him?]<

 

Princey: [of course not! Interacting with the target without Sad Sally by my side would be a violation of the wingman code!]

 

Princey: [he just sighed really loudly and put down his phone.]

 

Princey: [He's getting up]

 

Princey: [he looks really familiar actually.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [really?]

 

[really?]<

 

Princey: [I don’t know, maybe he goes to our college.]

 

[He’s at a college campus coffee shop and you think he might go to your college.]<

 

[Truly, you are the world's next Sherlock.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Now kiddos, this is no time to fight.]

 

Cat_feelings: [you both need to apologize to each other.]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [why do I need to apologize?]

 

Princey: [he’s the one being a jerk for no reason.]

 

Princey: [again]

 

Anxi_Tea: [guys]

 

[Excuse me?]<

 

Princey: [Sleep deprivation will only get you oh so many free passes Logan]

 

Anxi_Tea: [GUYS]

 

[I did not ask for your “free pass”. I say exactly what I mean to say.]<

 

[Perhaps you should check yourself, before you wreck yourself, Roman]<

 

Princey: [so you mean to be a dick?]

 

Princey: [good to know.]

 

Princey: [If you aren’t going to helpful, maybe you should just leave]

 

[Virgil, Patton, take note of this momentous day!]<

 

[it’s the first time Roman has appeared to have a good idea!]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [hold up!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan you cant leave the chat every time we fight!]

 

[Why not?]<

 

Princey: [why not?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Because]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Because of this really good reason Pat has right now.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I could really use your help]

 

Cat_feelings: [whoops, sorry friendo!]

 

Cat_feelings: [If Logan really doesn’t want to stay here, we can’t keep him here]

 

Cat_feeling: [that would be inconsiderate of us.]

 

Cat_feelings: [after all they say if you love something, you have to let it go.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat this is Logan]

 

Anxi_Tea: [not some cute guy in a coffee shop that I can’t even work up the courage to look in the eyes twice.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [As much as it pains me to say this, I’d choose you guys over a romantic relationship any day]

 

Princey: [for real?]

 

[Are you crying?]<

 

Princey: [no I’m sweating from my eyes]

 

Princey: [Virge you have to come out here so I can hug you]

 

Princey: [I demand it as your Prince]

 

Cat_feelings: [that’s so sweet V!]

 

Cat_feelings: [but what happened to the cute boy?]

 

Princey: [he left a little bit ago.]

 

Princey: [but I know where we can find him!]

 

[Oh?]<

 

Princey: [Yeah! The reason he’s so familiar is because we have the Dragon Witch’s class together.]

 

Princey: [kinda]

 

[What does “kinda” mean?]<

 

Princey: [He’s the jerk who sits in corner and sleeps the whole class but still gets perfect scores on every test.]

 

Princey: [He sleeps the WHOLE time]

 

Princey: [and yet the DW only ever yells at me for checking the time on my phone.]

 

[Interesting]<

 

Princey: [That’s what you have to say? Interesting?]

 

Princey: [This isn’t some experiment!]

 

Princey: [this is Romance!]

 

[I believe I have already stated my negligence in this department.]<

 

[Might we pronounce a truce in the best interest of helping Virgil?]<

 

Princey: [fine, Truce.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [it is so weird seeing you type out my name]

 

[Why?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [dunno]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I guess no one really calls me by my real name]

 

[That makes less sense.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Princey over there has terrible nicknames for me, Pat calls me it sometimes but he sticks to the endearing names. Remy calls me gurlll.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [well customers call me it, I guess. Because I wear a nametag]

 

Cat_feelings: [speaking of customers!]

 

Cat_feelings: [what if we stopped by!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [right now?]

 

Princey: [that would be delightful Padre!]

 

[Are you bringing your family with you?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh god, please pat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t deal with Dee today.]

 

Cat_feelings: [what?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [look I know you adore him, but he literally is a heathen Pat. He’s never once done anything nice to you, and you’re his brother. Besides that he deliberately does things that push my anxiety, makes fun of Roman, and terrorizes everyone else.]

 

Cat_feelings: [that’s not very nice Virgil.]

 

Princey: [but is it untrue?]

 

Cat_feelings: [He’s my brother!]

 

[Statistically speaking, that does not negate any of his actions.]<

 

[If he does do all those things, perhaps you should consider having a sit down and talking to him.]<

 

[At his age, it’s very possible that he might be experiencing an abandonment from you in which his only response is to act out in such a way that might drive your friends away so that you will return to him.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [wow Logan]

 

Cat_feelings: [I didn’t realize that you had so much experience with siblings]

 

[I don’t.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [then you should probably butt out]

 

Cat_feelings: [I know a bit more about my family dynamic than you]

 

Cat_feelings: [but thanks for trying!]

 

[My apologies, then.]<

 

[I was not trying to cause you distress.]<

 

[It just appeared that Dee’s behavior has had a negative influence on the people that you hold in high regards. While I myself am attempting to remain unbiased as I have not had a face to face encounter the subject of this frustration, I cannot stand idle while you destroy the bonds that have been built throughout this chat.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [hey]

 

Cat_feelings: [hey logan]

 

Cat_feelings: [I didn’t ask for your opinion, so can you shut up?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [hang on--]

 

[I think I explained rather well my stance right now.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [in that case]

 

Cat_feelings: [I have a solution!]

 

[Honestly just give the phone back--]<

 

_Cat_feelings_ has kicked _Logos_ from _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

Cat_feelings: [Thank you Roman, for giving me admin privileges.]

 

Princey: [what the hell Patton]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Fuck!]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh Roman, you always have been the brightest crayon in the crayon box]

 

Roman: [excuse me?]

 

Cat_feelings: [you’re excused.]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has added _Logos_ to _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman, don’t listen to him]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh did I hurt your itty bitty feelings, Ro?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m SO sorry]

 

[Roman that’s not--]<

 

_Cat_feelings_ has kicked _Logos_ from _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat would never--]

 

_Cat_feelings_ has kicked _Anxi_Tea_ from _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

Cat_feelings: [wow I didn’t ask for your opinion either Virge]

 

Princey: [oh]

 

_Princey_ has removed some admin privileges from _Cat_feelings_

 

Cat_feelings: [you’re no fun Roman]

 

Princey: [Give Patton his phone back Dee]

 

Cat_feelings: [why should I?]

 

Cat_feelings: [he hasn’t missed it yet]

 

Cat_feelings: [maybe you overestimate how much you actually mean to him. Just like your parents.]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh sorry did that one sting a little?]

 

Princey: [you don’t know a thing about that]

 

Cat_feelings: [don’t I?]

 

Cat_feelings: [You don’t seriously believe that Patton keeps secrets do you?]

 

Princey: [I do, Jack the Fibber]

 

Princey: [because Patton would never do something to intentionally hurt anyone]

 

Princey: [not even you, heathen]

 

Cat_feelings: [shut up]

 

Princey: [because for some convoluted reason, Patton loves you like you’re his real brother.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I said shut up]

 

Princey: [I don’t care.]

 

Princey: [You don’t deserve the love that Patton has for you.]

 

Cat_feelings: [He’s MY brother]

 

Cat_feelings: [and he was my brother before he was your friend]

 

Princey: [Yeah, but he wasn’t always. You of all people should know how much your family means to him, and instead of trying to help him all you’ve done is trying to cut him off from everyone else.]

 

Princey: [Do you know he feels like he has to earn your love?]

 

Princey: [That he does all this stupid, dramatic stuff for you?]

 

Princey: [Can you imagine looking into the eyes of your mom and wondering if this was going to be the day that she kicked you out because you didn’t live up to expectations?]

 

Princey: [can you imagine that Dee?]

 

Cat_feelings: [no.]

 

Cat_feelings: [but you don’t have a problem doing that, do you?]

 

Cat_feelings: [fine.]

 

Cat_feelings: [here’s Patton]

 

Cat_feelings: [OH MY GOD]

 

_Cat_feelings_ has added _Anxi_Tea_ to _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

_Cat_feelings_ has added _Logos_ to _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

Cat_feelings: [OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY]

 

Cat_feelings: [I THOUGHT I LEFT MY PHONE IN THE CAR]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’M SO SO SORRY rOMAN]

 

[What happened?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [DEE HAD MY PHONE THE ENTIRE TIME]

 

Cat_feelings: [HE TOOK OFF MY PHONE COVER SO I DIDN’T NOTICE AND I DIDN’T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT WHEN HE WAS TEXTING UNDER THE TABLE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [its alright Pat]

 

Cat_feelings: [IT’S REALLY NOT]

 

Cat_feelings: [ROMAN TALK TO ME PLEASE]

 

Cat_feelings: [ROMAN]

 

[What happened? What did Dee say to him?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t know]

 

Anxi_Tea: [he’s not responding to me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [like physically is not responding. He’s just staring at the lock screen of his phone.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what do I do]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ someone please tell me what to do]

 

[first you have to breathe]<

 

Cat_feelings: [shit shit shit]

 

[both of you must calm down]<

 

[You are no good to Roman worked up.]<

 

[Patton can you tell me exactly what Dee said to Roman?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I can’t]

 

Cat_feelings: [I never told Dee.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t know how he found out]

 

Anxi_Tea: [fuck it was about his parents?]

 

[pardon?]<

 

Princey: [I’m fine]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He just up and bolted]

 

[what]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [without any warning, he just walked out]

 

Cat_feelings: [god this is all my fault.]

 

Princey: [I promise]

 

Princey: [he just caught me off guard]

 

Princey: [I’m fine]

 

Cat_feelings: [Ro]

 

Princey: [I’m going to be off for a bit.]

 

[Roman if there is something--]<

 

Princey: [I’m fine]

 

_Princey_ has muted themselves

 

Anxi_Tea: [why does that sound like a lie?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “For most of my life I've been a listener. At least in the beginning, I think the reason I listened so intently was to have a chance of hearing the train before it ran over me.”  
> ― Steve Rasnic Tem


	6. Roll for Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Princey: [I can’t believe I leave for a few days and this entire chat has been completely dead!]
> 
> Princey: [I know I joke that your lives revolve around me but this is just sad]  
> ***  
> Logan stays up to look at the stars and Roman returns to his natural place in their chat.

_ Princey _ has unmuted themselves

 

Princey: [I can’t believe I leave for a few days and this entire chat has been completely dead!]

 

Princey: [I know I joke that your lives revolve around me but this is just sad]

 

[Salutations Roman]<

 

Princey: [why so serious Bing?]

 

[I take offense to that nickname.]<

 

[If anything I am Google Chrome.]<

 

Princey: [I know but I’ve already used that one.]

 

[How could you have possibly remembered that? You make up new ones every day.]<

 

Princey: [I have a list]

 

Princey: [Obviously.]

 

Princey: [Whenever I make a new one I add it to the list]

 

Princey: [and when I use it I cross it off]

 

[Why on Earth would you put so much effort into this?]<

 

Princey: [Because I can???]

 

Princey: [It’s not my fault the rest of you don’t respect my brilliance!]

 

[Additionally, you have been known to repeat nicknames.]<

 

Princey: [What]

 

Princey: [When]

 

[Well I seem to recall you using Edgar Allan Woe on two separate occasions.]<

 

Princey: [That’s my go to for V]

 

Princey: [He had a whole thing about creepy poems]

 

Princey: [I’m pretty sure he reads them like bedtime stories???]

 

[Fascinating.]<

 

Princey: [You still seem rather subdued. Have you been skipping sleep again?]

 

[Not quite.]<

 

[I must admit I have spent more than the optimal amount of time comparing options for the future of this group chat.]<

 

Princey: [the future of the chat?]

 

Princey: [don’t tell me you’re trying to formally leave again]

 

[Of course not.]<

 

[You just seemed to have dropped off this plane of existence.]<

 

Princey: [so….you were worried about me?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

Princey: [why didn’t you just say that?]

 

[I did?]<

 

Princey: [I’m going to teach you how to speak like a normal person if its the last things I do] 

 

[Apologies?]<

 

[To what purpose?]<

 

Princey: [Rule number one: don’t ask questions]

 

[Very well.]<

 

[I am glad to see that you are alright.]<

 

Princey: [yeah.]

 

[You are alright, correct?]<

 

Princey: [Of course! A prince always overcomes his demons!]

 

Princey: [These demons just seem to leave me rather uninspidered.]

 

[Rather what]<

 

Princey: [uninspidered*]

 

Princey: [what]

 

Princey: [uninspidered**]

 

Princey: [UNINSPIDERED]

 

Princey: [THAT ISN’T EVEN A WORD]

 

Princey: [LOGAN HELP]

 

[I believe you are trying for uninspired.]<

 

[I am curious as to what uninspidered entails.]<

 

[A distinct lack of spiders?]<

 

[Perhaps a lack of spider-type attributes.]<

 

Princey: [oh my god you really haven’t slept have you]

 

[Do you think we’ll ever have a conversation that does not end up talking about spiders?]<

 

[I did slept!]<

 

[wait that’s not right.]<

 

[But it’s past tense because I did it before.]<

 

Princey: [This is like watching a train wreck.]

 

Princey: [in slow motion]

 

[Why doesn’t that sound right?]<

 

[Sleep, sleeping, sleeps, slept, slepts]<

 

[Aidez-moi]<

 

Princey: [It’s alright, Lo]

 

[But its wrong]<

 

Princey: [I know what you meant]

 

[I can’t be wrong]<

 

Princey: [It’s a text message Logan.]

 

[Je ne veux pas me tromper]<

 

Princey: [I don’t know French]

 

Princey: [I do know Google Translate tho]

 

Princey: [Logan man,]

 

Princey: [It’s a text message, not Jeopardy]

 

[If it were Jeopardy I wouldn’t have a problem.]<

 

Princey: [You can’t figure out the tense of sleep in a sentence but you think you could win Jeopardy?]

 

[Undoubtedly.]<

 

[I love trivia games.]<

 

Princey: [I’ll take Things I’m not Surprised About for 500]

 

Princey: [Also where are Padre and Moaning Myrtle?]

 

Princey: [They usually jump in the moment we start talking]

 

[Well I’m not entirely certain, but I would assume that that are in their room.]<

 

[Most likely they are sleeping.]<

 

[As you should be.]<

 

Princey: [what?]

 

Princey: [It’s not that late!]

 

[Roman its three in the morning]<

 

Princey: [what the flippity flap jack]

 

Princey: [why are you awake]

 

[Because i like looking at the stars.]<

 

Princey: [haha]

 

Princey: [wait youre serious?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

[You can see Venus tonight.]<

 

Princey: [what did you break out your telescope Galileo?]

 

[Incorrect.]<

 

[I do not own a telescope.]<

 

Princey: [Really? A nerd like you doesn’t have a telescope pointed out his window every hour of the day?]

 

[Unfortunately, no. Not anymore.]<

 

[Freshman year my roommate and I disagreed on many things. One of them was my telescope.]<

 

[It didn’t survive our altercation.]<

 

Princey: [Oh darn man that sucks]

 

[Yes.]<

 

[Thankfully I don’t have to share a room anymore.]<

 

[The only downside is I don’t have the funds to obtain a second telescope.]<

 

Princey: [so do you just look out your window now?]

 

[No I climbed up to the roof.]<

 

Princey: [are you sure you should be up there at this hour?]

 

[Is there something dangerous about this?]<

 

Princey: [what if you fall?]

 

[It would certainly be a shock to the students with eight am classes tomorrow.]<

 

Princey: [trauma inducing.]

 

Princey: [You should go to sleep logan]

 

[I like the stars.]<

 

Princey: [As do I my faithful companion]

 

Princey: [however you are clearly not in the state of mind to be wandering at high altitudes]

 

[That’s why I wanted to learn French.]<

 

Princey: [wat]

 

Princey: [You’re clearly exhausted Logan. It’s time to sleep]

 

[I’m fine I do this quite often.]<

 

[I meant that I learned French because I like the stars.]<

 

[There’s an annual astronomers convention in France next year that I want to go to.]<

 

[but I know my parents would never let me.]<

 

Princey: [why not?]

 

[Because it’s during May Term.]<

 

[They want me to take a three week long class on some neuroscience.]<

 

[The professor is reportedly quite brilliant and well respected. He takes on interns when if they show potential.]<

 

Princey: [oh]

 

Princey: [You don’t sound very excited about it.]

 

[Yes I am rather bereft of emotion at this moment]<

 

Princey: [Roll for emotion?]

 

[That is not a type of roll.]<

 

[3]<

 

Princey: [you are disturbed by your own calmness on this night. The solution? Getting some well earned sleep.]

 

[Very well.]<

 

[I will.]<

 

Princey: [Logan]

 

[Yes?]<

 

Princey: [I meant now. Go to sleep now.]

 

[There really is no point. Classes start in four and a half hours.]<

 

Princey: [you have an eight am?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

Princey: [exactly when do you sleep, Lieutenant Commander Data]

 

[Shut up Wesley.]<

 

Princey: [Excuse you if anything I am William Striker!]

 

[What does that make Patton Deanna Troi?]<

 

Princey: [by what logic?]

 

Princey: [if anything he’s Beverly Crusher]

 

[I was basing my assessment on his attunement with others emotions.]<

 

Princey: [I was basing mine on his parental instinct.]

 

[You know what this means?]<

 

Princey: [Virgil is undoubtedly Wesley, the son of Patton known for being brilliant and also having a terrible fashion sense?]

 

[I was going to say I can now have an intellectual debate with someone about Star Trek Next Generation.]<

 

[However I do see your cause.]<

 

[Does Virgil truly have that unique of a wardrobe choice?]<

 

Princey: [It’s close enough.]

 

Princey: [I don’t think I’ve ever seen him wear a primary color.]

 

[Is that a bad thing?]<

 

Princey: [He owns three colors: purple, black, and dark black.]

 

[I did not know there was such thing as dark black.]<

 

[Is it more intense than a regular black?]<

 

[How does one define a regular black?]<

 

[Black is the absence of light and, by extension, color so does that mean that there is a way to have even less than nothing?]<

 

[It doesn’t make sense.]<

 

Princey: [That’s what i said.]

 

Princey: [completely verbatim.]

 

[Truly?]<

 

Princey: [his wardrobe is a black hole all on its own.]

 

[What a ridiculous assessment.]<

 

Princey: [Lo I’m really sure you need to climb down from the roof now.]

 

Princey: [and maybe crawl into bed as well.]

 

Princey: [before you crash.]

 

[I would not crash.]<

 

[I decided I’m going to sleep through my 3:00 class anyway.]<

 

Princey: [Already?]

 

[I do happen to sleep through it often.]<

 

Princey: [that’s not good.]

 

[My grades are still perfect.]<

 

Princey: [I realize I might be the first to tell you this,]

 

Princey: [but your grades don’t mean a thing compared to your mental health.]

 

Princey: [I would know.]

 

[I assure you my health is optimal at the moment.]<

 

[I brought a blanket with me out here so that I wouldn’t get cold.]<

 

[And for my mental health, I am learning.]<

 

[Slower than i would like but I am learning all the same.]<

 

Princey: [Logan, people who sleep through class drive me insane]

 

[I’m well aware of this fact.]<

 

Princey: [what]

 

[You’ve stated before.]<

 

Princey: [I have?]

 

Princey: [Oh right I have. With the hot guy.]

 

Princey: [It’s not fair that he’s hot and smart.]

 

[I don’t quite understand your logic there.]<

 

Princey: [hes a nerd Logan!]

 

[Yes?]<

 

[You and Virgil seem to be quite fond of calling me that.]<

 

Princey: [Nerds aren’t supposed to be attractive.]

 

[I believe you are experiencing a phenomenon known as “jealousy”.]<

 

Princey: [Am not!]

 

[After all, what are you compared to someone who is both good looking and brilliant?]<

 

Princey: [I am brilliant!]

 

Princey: [I shine like the sun! Sparkle like a diamond!]

 

[Then you have no reason to be annoyed by someone who sleeps during the class.]<

 

[Because he also “sparkles like a diamond”.]<

 

Princey: [wow I could almost believe for a moment that you came from Earth.]

 

Princey: [Is your fascination with the stars because you are part alien?]

 

[I wish.]<

 

Princey: [I literally forgot what I was going to say in light of this information.]

 

Princey: [You wish?]

 

Princey: [You?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

[Why do you call her the Dragon Witch?]<

 

Princey: [what]

 

Princey: [you can’t just admit to wanting to be part alien and then change the topic like that]

 

[What’s there to stop me?]<

 

Princey: [Those social norms patton talks about sometimes]

 

[You mean the unspoken rules of a society in which breaking them make people uncomfortable? Those social norms?]<

 

[I’m rebelling.]<

 

Princey: [Logan you’re starting to scare me]

 

[Everyone is always telling me I follow the rules too much.]<

 

Princey: [so this is….]

 

Princey: [your rebel phase?]

 

Princey: [Are you going to Jay walk again?]

 

Princey: [drink milk straight from the carton?]

 

[No? Why would I participate in an activity that is so dangerous?]<

 

[I could be run over by a careless driver.]<

 

[And drinking milk like that is unsanitary!]<

 

[I could not drink an entire carton of milk and what if someone wanted to drink milk after me?]<

 

[And you are trying to distract me.]<

 

Princey: [You’re trying to distract ME]

 

[I am not.]<

 

[Aliens are universally agreed to be vastly more advanced than Humans. It only makes sense that I would want to be part Alien to gain ethical access to that technology.]<

 

Princey: [fine.]

 

Princey: [I call her the DW because i grew up down the street from her. As a twelve year old I had the great idea to egg her house because she was just the mean old lady down the street.]

 

Princey: [So I convinced my friends to all come with me and we bought eggs and rode our bikes down and we egged her house and then biked off, scott free.]

 

Princey: [Except that she was home and she swung open the door wearing this awful terrible dragon costume (complete with wings). She recognized me, and only me, and called the cops.]

 

Princey: [So I call her the Dragon, because of that terrible costume she and Witch because middle school me wasn’t allowed to call her the bitch she is.]

 

[Roman, you egged her house.]<

 

Princey: [I was stupid and twelve.]

 

Princey: [She called the cops on me]

 

[That’s because vandalism is criminal misdemeanor, and depending on much damage was inflicted can be considered a felony. Not to mention trespassing on private grounds. ]<

 

Princey: [Do you really think Twelve year old me knew what those words meant?]

 

[I’m surprised you know what they mean now.]<

 

Princey: [so the moral: don’t egg people’s houses because they won’t be able to LET IT GO]

 

Princey: [seriously she’s still hung up on in and it's been eight years.]

 

Princey: [and i know she is because she only ever yells at me for the stupidest things in her class.]

 

Princey: [It’s history, not an brain surgery.]

 

[Have you considered, that she expects more from you because you show potential?]<

 

Princey: [Potential what?]

 

[Well what is your major?]<

 

Princey: [you aren’t allowed to laugh.]

 

[Have I ever before?]<

 

Princey: [Was laughing not downloaded into your functioning programs?]

 

Princey: [I’m attempting to double major in Politics and Business, with a minor in theatre.]

 

[Roman, that’s…]<

 

Princey: [Stupid? Crazy? A bad idea?]

 

[Actually I was going to say Ambitious]<

 

[If there is anyone who can do it, I do believe it is you, Roman.]<

 

Princey: [really?]

 

Princey: [You think so?]

 

[Your dedication is quite blatant, you have creative ideas, and on more than one occasion you have proven my assumptions about you false.]<

 

[You are also dedicated to yours friends, and are open to making new friends. When you form these friendships, they are, I believe the term is, “ride or die”.]<

 

[Even for me.]<

 

[You encourage the people around you. Even if at time that encouragement is misdirected or misinterpreted.]<

 

[I’m certain these qualities have bled through into your activities outside this chat.]<

 

[Perhaps that is what Ms. Hydrus sees in you that entices her to push you.]<

 

[After all, a valued attribute of a good Politician is knowing your history. Those that don’t know it are forever doomed to repeat it.]<

 

[Does that make sense?]<

 

[Roman?]<

 

[I apologize if I took a few liberties.]<

 

Princey: [no, it’s...alright.]

 

Princey: [You really mean all that Lo?]

 

[I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.]<

 

Princey: [not even if you were severely sleep deprived possibly delusional?]

 

[I am not sleep deprived at this moment.]<

 

[But if you wish I will repeated this for you later after I sleep through history.]<

 

Princey: [Hey you take history too?]

 

Princey: [What type? I have Western Civ]

 

[I]<

 

[It doesn’t matter.]<

 

[What matters is that you understand I don’t tell lies.]<

 

Princey: [because you’re a robot]

 

[Because I am right.]<

 

[But if that illogical assumption helps you believe me so be it.]<

 

Princey: [T]

 

Princey: [thank you Logan.]

 

[I believe now it is the appropriate time for you to go to sleep now.]<

 

[You’re rhythmic sleeping schedule will undoubtedly be off for the next couple of days, but sleeping now will be a good step towards setting it right again.]<

 

Princey: [Right, sure]

 

Princey: [You want some alone time with the stars.]

 

[That is not what I said.]<

 

Princey: [If you start saying that Aliens abducted you and make tin foil hats I’ll throw you out of this chat]

 

[No you wouldn’t.]<

 

[But if it makes you feel better I will go back inside.]<

 

Princey: [greatly.]

 

Princey: [What are you gonna do for the next couple hours?]

 

[Listen to podcasts.]<

 

Princey: [Oh.]

 

Princey: [enjoy doing that.]

 

[Bonne nuit.]<

 

Princey: [wait Logan one more thing.]

 

[Yes, of course.]<

 

Princey: [are you--]

 

Princey: [never mind.]

 

Princey: [night]

 

[It’s not a good practice to sleep on uneasy thoughts.]<

 

Princey: [I just]

 

Princey: [Aren’t you going to ask what Dee said?]

 

[Do you want me too?]<

 

Princey: [I]

 

[While not knowing things certainly bothers me to no end, I’m also aware that this is your personal business.]<

 

[It is your story, Roman. Should you wish to share it, I would gladly hear it.]<

 

[But I can’t force you to share that information with me.]<

 

[I won’t ask you to.]<

 

[Instead I trust that one day you will find enough favor in me to share it.]<

 

Princey: [You plan on sticking around that long?]

 

[That is my intention, yes.]<

 

[I do believe that the worst of our interactions have passed.]<

 

Princey: [....]

 

Princey: [me too.]

 

Princey: [Uh thanks again Logan]

 

[You’re welcome.]<

 

[Good night Roman.]<

 

Princey: [WAIT]

 

Princey: [you never told me what history you have]

 

[Western Civilization.]<

 

Princey: [Wow me too!]

 

[I’M WELL AWARE.]<

 

Princey: [WAIT A SECOND]

 

Princey: [aRE YOU]

 

Princey: [sure that was Venus you were looking at? I thought you could only see Venus at daybreak.]

 

[Go to sleep Roman.]<

 

Princey: [I can’t now.]

 

Princey: [Someone else must be up. I can hear them.]

 

Princey: [It sounds like they’re banging their head on their desk.]

 

Princey: [weird.]

 

Princey: [Oh i think it stopped.]


	7. Roll for Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxi_Tea: [Have you considered Prince_Pompous?]
> 
> Prince_Perfection: [i did but it was too many P’s for my taste.]
> 
> [Prince_Pretentious, then?]<  
> ***  
> Some Princes, Pizza, and some perspective from Patton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH wow a chapter like five days before my usual update day??? You can thank @alldragonsarecats on tumblr for her amazing fanart which you can find here: http://alldragonsarecats.tumblr.com/post/182255907794/from-the-latest-chapter-of-sabrinas-amazing-text
> 
> I literally cried when I saw it!!

Anxi_Tea: [New popular opinion: 5pm is too early in the morning.]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

[Virgil have you not been sleeping all day?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [i have. I think i crashed around ten yesterday.]

 

[You have been asleep for approximately nineteen hours]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [and I'll gladly sleep for nineteen more.]

 

[That is called a coma. ]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [sounds festive.]

 

Princey: [Then why are you awake in the first place Bucky Barnes?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Oh hey Roman]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WAIT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOURE BACK]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU ASSHOLE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO US]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT WAS A WRECK.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY COOKIES HE MADE?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HOW MANY I ATE BECAUSE HE LOOKED SAD WHEN I TOLD HIM I WASN’T HUNGRY]

 

Anxi_Tea: [IF I’M NOT ALLOWED TO JUST DROP OFF THE RADAR NEITHER ARE YOU]

 

Princey: [don’t be such a nag]

 

Princey: [If we allowed to you drop off the radar we never would have found you again]

 

Princey: [comparatively, me leaving for a couple days is nothing.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [OH NO]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT]

 

Princey: [oh?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU DIDN’T ANSWER OUR TEXTS]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU DIDN’T COME BACK TO YOUR ROOM]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WE HADN’T SEEN YOU IN THREE FUCKING DAYS rOMAN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD]

 

Princey: [Well I’m not]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ROMAN]

 

Princey: [What, I’m fine! I took a couple days to myself.]

 

Princey: [You don’t trust me?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Would you?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Especially after last time?]

 

Princey: [I almost feel like you’re insinuating that I’m at fault right now]

 

Princey: [If you recall, Pat was the one who let Dee have his phone.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that’s not fair.]

 

Princey: [Wow! I was unaware the world was fixed on laws of fairness!]

 

[Roman, Virgil]<

 

[It was an accident. Patton should have watched his phone, but there was no way he could have predicted what Dee was doing.]<

 

[Similarly, Roman I know whatever was said it, was not okay and you have a right to cope with that pain how you see fit. But you have friends who care for you and want you to be well.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan you don’t understand]

 

Princey: [Fine.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait what]

 

Princey: [Logan’s right.]

 

[What don’t I understand?]<

 

Princey: [Nothing.]

 

Princey: [But you make a valiant point my dear friend.]

 

Princey: [Virgil I am sorry for having cut myself off from you and padre.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....alright]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m sorry for getting upset at you for leaving.]

 

Princey: [Apology accepted!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ are….you doing okay?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [really okay?]

 

Princey: [Of course! You know me!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah I do. That’s why I asked.]

 

[I suspect that my power of logical observation is not going to be enough to keep the peace.]<

 

[Where might Patton be? He’s much better that derailing arguments than I am.]<

 

Princey: [we weren’t fighting.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat’s out getting mail.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He woke me up with a call so I could read off his postbox combination.]

 

[Fascinating.]<

 

[Will he be back on soon?]<

 

Princey: [Aw is Logan missing our casual banter?]

 

[Past history suggests that my life has been bereft of interesting tales like the general chaos that you three get into.]<

 

[As such, it is my duty to study this new phenomenon to record it for future use.]<

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t tell if you’re serious or not.]

 

[I say this in all seriousness.]<

 

[Obviously.]<

 

[Why is it so hard for you all to recognize that I only speak in truths?]<

 

[I wear a necktie!]<

 

Princey: [Does wearing a necktie automatically make you a serious person?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

Princey: [So if I put one on right now…]

 

[Do you own one to put on?]<

 

Princey: [well no.]

 

[My point proven.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [heh burn.]

 

Princey: [why are you both so mean to me!]

 

Princey: [I am a Prince!]

 

Princey: [Everyone loves a Prince!]

 

[Statistically, it’s impossible for “everyone” to unanimously enjoy something.]<

 

[A truer statement is likely “most people” or “some people”]<

 

Princey: [but]

 

Princey: [you know what]

 

Princey: [fine]

 

_ Princey  _ has changed their name to  _ Pizza _

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT DID YOU DO]

 

Pizza: [Everyone loves pizza!]

 

[Once again it’s statistically impossible for everyone to enjoy something.]<

 

Pizza: [I have never heard of someone hating Pizza.]

 

Pizza: [bring forth the heretic who dares defile our good natural world!]

 

[Salutations.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [You don’t like Pizza?]

 

Pizza: [Logan I’m so sorry to have to say this but]

 

Pizza: [OFF WITH HIS HEAD]

 

[You are no longer a royalty and there for you have no power to enforce that order.]<

 

Pizza: [How dare he use his logic against me.]

 

_ Pizza  _ has changed their name to  _ Prince_Pizza _

 

Prince_Pizza: [what are you going to do now, Logan?]

 

Prince_Pizza: [You’re logic can’t save you now!]

 

[On the contrary.]<

 

[As a Prince of a fictional country, you do not hold power over the real world.]<

 

[But if you did, attacking a citizen of this country would be an active declaration of war against America. Do you really believe that you could beat the world's leading superpower in battle?]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [America would probably agree with me, because America isn’t anti-Pizza]

 

Anxi_Tea: [are you sure about that?]

 

Prince_Pizza: [Don’t make me doubt myself.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You can’t take away my favorite pastime.]

 

[I’m not the only one who doesn’t like Pizza.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Are you sure about that?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

[There is a multitude of people who can’t have gluten, Vegans who can’t have cheese, lactose intolerant people, and those allergic to any number of the ingredients found in Pizza.]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [Oh yeah and which are you?]

 

[I just don’t like the texture.]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [yOu dOnT LIkE tHe TeXtURe]

 

Anxi_Tea: [heh]

 

[It’s a valid complaint.]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [I bet if you did like pizza, you’d be one of those heathens who doesn’t eat the crust.]

 

[I guess we will never know.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT]

 

[Yes.]<

 

[I just said I don’t like it. It makes no sense for me to pay money to attempt to eat something I don’t like.]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [Why did that sound so threatening?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m a very threatening person.]

 

Prince_Pizza: [you’re the human equivalent of a gay disaster.]

 

Prince_Pizza: [There’s nothing threatening about that.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [See just for that I’m going to put one spider in your room.]

 

[A single spider?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yes and he won’t find it until its too late: A mother with an egg sack and hundreds of thousands baby spiders hatching, filling his room, covering the floor, creeping over his posters--]

 

Prince_Pizza: [oKAY I GET IT]

 

Prince_Pizza: [YOUR A CREEPY COOKIE]

 

[you’re*]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [I’LL DO WHATEVER JSUT DONT PUT YOUR SPIDERS IN MY ROOM]

 

[just*]<

 

[don’t*]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [  LOGAN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you can change your name back]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t take you seriously with it as it is now]

 

[And you could before?]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [SQUARE UP LOGAN WE’RE FIGHTING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [SQUARE T HE DUC K UP]

 

[I have absolutely no what that means]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan do me a favor]

 

Anxi_Tea: [never change.]

 

[I’ll endeavor not to.]<

 

Prince_Pizza: [fine. Pizza’s not the way to go]

 

_ Prince_Pizza  _ has change their name to  _ Prince_Perfection _

 

Prince_Perfection: [better?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Have you considered Prince_Pompous?]

 

Prince_Perfection: [i did but it was too many P’s for my taste.]

 

[Prince_Pretentious, then?]<

 

Prince_Perfection: [doesn’t have the right feel]

 

[Usernames are supposed to make you feel something?]<

 

Prince_Perfection: [Of course!]

 

Prince_Perfection: [for example, mine now reminds you that you will never reach my status of awesomeness]

 

Anxi_Tea: [And mine reminds you that I have extreme anxiety and need you to change yours to something else.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [like back to Princey?]

 

Prince_Perfection: [But I want something new!]

 

Prince_Perfection: [It’s time for a change]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I literally don’t have the words to describe how much terror that phrase fills me with]

 

_ Prince_Perfection  _ has changed their name to  _ Rainbow_Prince _

 

Anxi_Tea: [your gay is showing]

 

Rainbow_Prince: [my gay is always showing]

 

Anxi_Tea: [jsut use Princey]

 

_ Rainbow_Prince  _ has changed their name to  _ Prince_ofyoudreams _

 

Prince_ofyoudreams: [ooh I like that]

 

[You’re missing an r in there.]<

 

Prince_ofyoudreams: [Dreams only has one r Logan]

 

Prince_ofyoudreams: [oh wait you meant you needs to be your]

 

_ Prince_ofyoudreams  _ has changed their name to  _ Prince_ofyourdreams _

 

[You learning basic English grammar is the closest I will ever come to feeling love.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t like it.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [is there anything you do like?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [spiders.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh and Patton]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [see Pat would like my name change.]

 

[Shouldn’t he be on by now?]<

 

[The walk to the mail room is not this long.]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [how would you know. You don’t even go here.]

 

[I believe the appropriate response now would be a gif of Jim Carrey looking into the camera.]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [whats that supposed to mean]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [You couldnt know how long it takes pat to walk that uNLESS]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [YOU KIDNAPPED PAT BECAUSE YOU'RE ACTUALLY A SERIAL KILLER AND YOU HAVE BEEN TARGETING OUR GROUP THIS ENTIRE TIME]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM YOU FIEND]

 

[How are you able to jump to every conclusion but the right one?]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON HIS HEAD I WILL MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY YOU WERE CREATED YOU CYBERNETIC FREAKSHOW]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I doubt logan kidnapped Pat.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [he doesn’t know what Pat looks like.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [HE DOESN’T NEED TO KNOW]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [HE KNOWS THAT PAT LOVES CATS AND WOULD GET IN A WHITE VAN AS LONG AS SOMEONE PROMISED HIM THERE WAS SICK CAT INSIDE]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [AND THEN WHEN pAT BACK IS TURNED LOGAN WOULD HIT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND BYE BYE PADRE]

 

[That is a ridiculous fantasy.]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [A SERIAL KILLER WOULD NEVER ADMIT TO KIDNAPPING SOMEONE]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [BACK ME UP ON THIS ONE WITH YOUR CRIME DEDUCTION SKILLS VIRGIL]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Forensics is not crime deduction.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [And Logan didn’t kidnap Patton]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Do you have proof?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan did you kidnap Pat and are you holding him in your car with the intent on murdering him?]

 

[No.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Proof.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [ F I N E]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [I’ll go find him myself!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [DON’T WORRY PAT i’M GOING TO SAVE YOU]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait I’m not letting you go alone]

 

Anxi_Tea: [someone’s going to call the cops on you]

 

[Have you tried calling him?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [no dice.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [which doesn’t make me feel good.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat always answers on the second ring.]

 

[He might have started a conversation with someone.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Maybe.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [as if our feline loving friend would allow some stranger to keep him from us!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Don’t be ridiculous Logan! Clearly this a missing persons case!]

 

[Perhaps he just does not want to be around people right now]<

 

[You both have had your moments with that]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Do you really think that’s what’s going on?]

 

[Not even in the slightest.]<

 

[I just feel obligated to name all the possibilities for his absence.]<

 

[Well, the rational possibilities.]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [ah ha! Then we will go out in search of our beloved friend and report back to you.]

 

[Weren’t you just convinced that I kidnapped PaAfsvr]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Lo?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [what is a PaAfsvr?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [wait...is that a typo? In Logan’s texts?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [I cannot believe I lived long enough to see this day.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that statement also fills me with a lot of terror.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Oh relax, Winter Sulker! It was a joke]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ha ha it wasn’t funny.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [you’re not funny.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [and why are we texting we’re right next to each other.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [because I’m mute?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [oh right haha I forgot]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Oww!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Forget now, jerk]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [okay okay! I’m sorry! It was a joke!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [OWW]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [WHAT WAS THTA FOR?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [dropping off the grid.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [don’t do that again.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [alright, okay. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Do you think Logan was also kidnapped?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [VIRIGL WAHT HTE FUCK]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [IT WAS A VALID QUESTION]

 

Anxi_Tea: [SHUT UP SHUT UP]

 

Anxi_Tea: [DO YOU THINK HE SAW US]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [WHO]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THE GUY]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [oh of course sorry i couldn’t teLL BECAUSE YOU WERE SLAPPING MY FACE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [SHUT UP]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HE MIGHT HEAR YOU]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [WHO?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [GUY]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THE HOT ONE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [NO STOP DON’T TURN AROUND]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT IF HE LOOKS OVER HERE]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [ STAY COOL]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHY IS THIS HAPPENING]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [BREATHE MY COWERING CROW]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [WHY IS He on the ground?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Ohhh! Wait! He must have tripped and dropped his glasses.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [If he was wearing just a bit more orange he could be Velma Dinkley.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [not helping!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what do I do?!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [what do you mean, what do you do?! Go help him!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [in case you forgot again I CAN’T SPEAK]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [just go tap his shoulder!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I CAN’T JSUT TOUCH HIM]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT IF HE THINKS i’M ATTACKING HIM?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [He wont!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [when you hand him his glasses he’ll realize what happened!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [you just have to flash your pretty little smile!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT PRETTY LITTLE SMILE]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [you’ll figure it out, now go!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [What Roman wait!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Hurry up before someone else helps him!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I CAN’T]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [YOU CAN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT IF HE HATES ME]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [HE’S NOT GOING TO HATE YOU]

 

Anxi_Tea: [SOMEONE ELSE IS HELPING HIM]

 

Prince_ofyoursdreams: [WHO THE FUC-- oh wait that’s Pat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ugh I’m an idiot.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can’t look]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [relax stormy weather, it’s just Pat!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [He makes friends with everyone!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I mean, yeahhh, but what if the guy likes Pat more than me?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what if Pat likes him back?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what if this guy doesn’t like me at all?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Nonsense! He’ll like you just fine! See!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [He’s backing away from Patton right now. Clearly not interested.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [how could he not be interested in Patton? Patton’s great at everything!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [whos side are you on?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [hurry after him before he gets away!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [no?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [we came out here for Pat. It’s basically dark out now. The dining hall closed already. And its cold. I don’t want to leave him out here alone.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [How noble of you! Sacrificing your love for the welfare of our friend!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [shut up]

 

[Sorry about that.]<

 

[Is everything alright?]<

 

[Is Patton okay?]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [uh, welllll….]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It’s complicated.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m so sorry for making you worry guys! I didn’t mean to!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat you don’t have to apologize]

 

Cat_feelings: [but I do kiddo! I wasn’t fair of me to make you guys go through all this trouble for me!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [What trouble? Patton you cause the least amount of problems out of everyone in this chat!]

 

[Affirmative. I have been keeping a tally.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [still…]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m angry and upset but I shouldn’t have blocked you guys out]

 

[Is something wrong?]<

 

[Something we might be able to help with?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t want to bother you. It’s not really a big deal]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat we know how much family means to you.]

 

[Is this about Dee again?]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [I feel terrible saying this, but dealing with Dee would be easier than this I believe.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I got a letter from my mom.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Like my biological mom, not my adoptive.]

 

[Oh.]<

 

[Pat--]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m fine, I’m okay.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Really.]

 

[I take it getting a letter is unusual then?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [She and my dad had a one night stand and then she got into drugs when I was a toddler and CPS had to take me away from her. She never really tried…]

 

Cat_feelings: [I mean I wasn’t…]

 

Cat_feelings: [I barely know her.]

 

Cat_feelings: [all these years, she’s been in and out of Rehab and she sends me cheap birthday cards every fourth birthday but she never tried to see me. She was like a ghost in my life. I jumped from foster home to foster home wondering what she even looked like.]

 

Cat_feelings: [and now she wants to meet with me]

 

Cat_feelings: [I should be happy.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [She doesn’t deserve to see how amazing you have become!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat you don’t owe her anything.]

 

[Patton I believe it is very necessary that you know whatever you are feeling is valid.]<

 

[There is no “should” or “shouldn’t” when it comes to emotions.]<

 

[She has not been in your life for years, she has not held your hand, not comforted you, not guided you. She has not been the pillar of kindness that all the other kids seemed to have. She choose a life of drugs over you. You are allowed to be mad at her.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [She’s my mom]

 

[She is the woman who gave birth to you.]<

 

[That does not automatically make her your mother.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [This is what I have been waiting for my entire life.]

 

Cat_feelings: [she finally wants to meet me.]

 

[Patton listen to me very closely.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan I’m]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m finally good enough.]

 

[You have always been good enough, Patton.]<

 

[And you have three people right here in this chat ready to prove it.]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Forsooth!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [Patton you have the kindest, purest soul in the entire universe. You have never hesitated to help anyone, no matter who they are. You go out of your way to make sure we are comfortable and feel loved and protected. I, for one, wouldn’t be here without you.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [What he said.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [so elegant, Sylvia Plath.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [really, right now]

 

Anxi_Tea: [we’re in the middle of something]

 

[And I, Patton, have only known you for a short while and yet you accepted me into your friend group the quickest. You’re smart, clever, and funny. You understand people, me specifically, better than anyone else ever has. I am proud to call myself your friend. And I will happily stand beside you with whatever decision you make. For better or worse.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [,,Logan, that was…]

 

Anxi_Tea: [gay?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [super gay?]

 

Cat_feelings: [extremely sweet.]

 

Cat_feelings: [thank you.]

 

[You’re welcome.]<

 

[This situation is not easy, and although my understanding of it is slim, I hope that I provided an ease of conscious.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t know what I’m going to do yet.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [That’s alright. You have time.]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [and quite frankly she can wait.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You want to do a movie marathon?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I think…]

 

Cat_feelings: [WAIT]

 

Cat_feelings: [HAVE ANY OF YOU EATEN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [uh, no]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [I’m not actually hungry]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Ro]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [We can order out!]

 

[I’ve been planning to get Chinese tonight all week.]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [That’s perfect! Come on Pat! Dinner’s on me!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [But--]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [and who knows? Maybe the hot coffee shop guy will be there!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh! I think I ran into him today! We had the same glasses!]

 

[Aidez-moi]<

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [what was that Logan?]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh Roman! Why did you change your name?]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [It felt like a good time to change. Do you like it?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I like that you like it!]

 

Prince_ofyourdreams: [....so you don’t like it.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I do! It’s just.. Princey fits you so much better.]

 

_ Prince_ofyourdreams  _ has changed their name to  _ Princey _

 

Anxi_Tea: [ha]

 

Princey: [shut up]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sHuT uP]

 

[They truly are children.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Yep! And I wouldn’t trade them for anything!]

 

Cat_feelings: Thanks for looking after them for me while I was gone!]

 

Cat_feelings: [You mean a lot to me Logan! <3<3]

 

[Well yes I uh]<

 

[You too, Patton.]<


	8. Roll for Survival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat_feelings: [I just wish I could have been there for you before.]
> 
> [You’re here now.]<
> 
> [I believe that is sufficient]<
> 
> Cat_feelings: [Right! As long as we’re together nothing can bring us down!]  
> ***  
> The group chat has to make a survival check. They fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: brief mentions of cancer, attempted suicide, and suicide watch. Very Poor handling of all three. Also a bit more explicit language.
> 
> Please be safe guys.

Cat_feelings: [GOOD MORNING!! <3 <3 <3]

 

[Why do I feel like I am constantly reminding all of you that it is not the correct hour?]<

 

[It is nearly two in the afternoon]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Einstein said time was relative!]

 

[Einstein--]<

 

[Okay.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [whats the matter lo?]

 

[I don't have a negative counterpart to your statement about Einstein.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [well that’s a good thing isn’t it!]

 

[It’s distressing.]<

 

[My primary function it to bring up the counterparts your unceasing optimism as an attempt to ground you to reality as it is.]<

 

[If I can’t do that what am I?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan that’s not all you do!]

 

Cat_feelings: [You can be a bit cynical but no more than V is! You two get along great!]

 

Cat_feelings: [And your primary function is to be happy and have fun with us!]

 

[You appear to be in a rather better mood than normal.]<

 

[Are you feeling better today Patton?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Most definitely!]

 

[I see. Have you reached a conclusion on yesterday’s event?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [well, not really. I still don’t know what I’m going to tell my bio mom.]

 

Cat_feelings: [But I called my real mom this morning and we had a long conversation.]

 

Cat_feelings: [OH!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I went on a really long walk and guess what!]

 

[What?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [you have to guess!]

 

[It is impossible for me to--]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I SAW A CAT]

 

[You didn’t pet it did you?]<

 

[If I recall correctly, you are highly allergic.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Of course not! I know better!]

 

[Patton.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [a little?]

 

[Patton!]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I just couldn’t help myself! It was so cute and fluffy and small!]

 

Cat_feelings: [And I brought my allergy pills so the swelling has already gone down!]

 

[Regardless you should not being petting animals in which you are likely to react poorly too.]<

 

[Was it a stray cat? Did it bite you?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [haha you sound a bit like my mom!]

 

Cat_feelings: [It didn’t bite me!]

 

Cat_feelings: [i barely even got to pet its silky soft black fur before it was jumping out of my reach!]

 

[A black cat?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Yeah! She was so super pretty!]

 

Cat_feelings: [but she ran away and I had to chase after her.]

 

[I have a very bad feeling about this.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [It was so weird! I nearly knocked over a man on a ladder who was fixing the sign to the donut shop, and then I ran by the mirror shop and I could have sworn some of the mirrors were broken! Did you know this town has a thirteenth street?! It’s so creepy! But the cat was right at home!]

 

[Patton, did you by chance, walk under the ladder when you were chasing the cat?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [well yeah! The cat did so I did too!]

 

[And you are aware of the fact that you have transcended over at least four omens for bad luck correct?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [what?]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh thats silly!]

 

[Oh thank god, you didn't--]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I did a lot more than four!]

 

[What.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [haha! Now you sound like roman! He’s always going on about how I’m not supposed to do stuff like that!]

 

Cat_feelings: [just this morning he was freaking out because I wouldn’t throw salt over my shoulder after I spilled some at breakfast!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Then I accidentally opened my umbrella in the dorm room when I was going out to bring Roman his lunch]

 

Cat_feelings: [I noticed he didn’t eat breakfast, and he barely even ate last night so I thought I could surprise him with a homemade lunch!]

 

[That’s very thoughtful Patton.]<

 

[Aren’t you even slightly worried?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [hmm?]

 

Cat_feelings: [about bad luck? No way! I know I have you guys with me and nothing can tear us apart! <3 <3]

 

Cat_feelings: [besides I thought you didn’t believe in mystical stuff!]

 

[I don’t]<

 

[I just don’t want to tempt fate, so to say.]<

 

[Back luck is not scientifically proven to be false and therefore I shall not participate in any activity that might welcome such unfortunate attention.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Psychics are also not scientifically proven to be false!]

 

[I’m surprised you can believe horoscopes but not in bad luck.]<

 

[And I have my own personal experiences which I consider evidence enough to create my own assumption.]<

 

[They were wrong once, and therefore cannot be trusted.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [That's a little harsh Lo, don't you think?]

 

Cat_feelings: [everyone can make a mistake.]

 

[This might be a foreign concept for you Patton, considering your kind nature and your obvious determination to make sure everyone around you feels loved and supported.]<

 

[But occasionally, people make mistakes too big to be forgiven.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [i don't know what you mean by that kiddo!]

 

[Allow me to share an example then: twenty four years ago my parents and their daughter were on a vacation and they stopped by a psychic shop for entertainment in which the psychic told them my sister would grow up to be very prosperous.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [your sister? I thought you were an only child.]

 

[I am.]<

 

[Three weeks after their vacation my sister was admitted to the hospital after my parents noticed an unusual swelling around her abdomen. They had an ultrasound done and they found a tumor.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh no]

 

[Wilms tumor to be exact. Stage IV. Diffuse Anaplastic. She was four years old when they found.]<

 

[She didn't make it to five.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh Logan, I'm so sorry]

 

[It's not your fault. I never even knew her.]<

 

[There hadn't been a warning. It hit my parents rather hard.]<

 

[Which is why i can't find fault with them for wanting to plan every second of my life. They were so paranoid I would meet the same fate, it gave them comfort.]<

 

[At some point I believe they forgot how to stop.]<

 

[I apologize, i seemed to have ruined your good mood.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh no, lo. You could never ruin anything. I just want to give you a big hug]

 

[That's quite unnecessary, Patton.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [but I want to]

 

Cat_feelings: [I just wish I could have been there for you before.]

 

[You’re here now.]<

 

[I believe that is sufficient]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Right! As long as we’re together nothing can bring us down!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THAT’S IT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’M DONE.]

 

Princey: [ YOU WANT TO MOVE THIS HERE NOW? FINE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ YOU’RE AN INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE PRINCE]

 

[Virgil, Roman, greetings. What is your dramatic sidetrack for today?]<

 

Princey: [I’M THE ASSHOLE?]

 

Princey: [ME?]

 

Princey: [HAVE YOU LOOKED IN A MIRROR RECENTLY, STORM?]

 

Cat_feelings: [ohhhhkay, real last names?]

 

Cat_feelings: [guys lets take a moment to breathe]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ I’M NOT THE ONE WHOS BEEN PLOTTING TO KILL MYSELF]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [what]

 

Princey: [I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY STUFF]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m not finding this joke very funny guys]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ROMAN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU PROMISED YOU’D TELL US IF YOU STARTED HAVING THOSE THOUGHTS AGAIN]

 

[I don’t believe this is a joke.]<

 

Princey: [OH LIKE YOU’VE NEVER BROKEN A PROMISE BEFORE]

 

Princey: [I SEEM TO RECALL YOU KEEPING A HOARD OF SPIDERS UNDER YOUR BED]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THAT’S NOT THE SAME]

 

_ Princey  _ has kicked  _ Anxi_Tea  _ from  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Cat_feelings: [rOMAN!]

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ has added  _ Anxi_Tea  _ to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Anxi_Tea: [THAT’S NO WHERE NEAR BEING THE SAME THING YOU DUMBASS]

 

Princey: [YOU KNOW WHAT?]

 

Princey: [I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU WERE GONE FOR THREE DAYS]

 

Princey: [THREE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE]

 

Cat_feelings: [Roman please]

 

Princey: [SHUT UP PATTON]

 

Princey: [I’M SO SICK OF YOU PRETENDING TO BE MY DAD]

 

Princey: [NEWS FLASH I HATE MY PARENTS]

 

[Roman I believe your current state of agitation is causing you to say things you don’t mean.]<

 

[It might be wise if we all can take a moment and breathe]<

 

Princey: [YOU CAN SHOVE IT TOO LOGAN]

 

Princey: [WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN STILL HERE]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [I CAN’T BELIEVE I PITIED YOU]

 

Princey: [IF i HAD KNOWN WHAT AN ABSOLUTE DICK YOU WERE I NEVER WOULD HAVE INVITED YOU TO THIS CHAT]

 

Cat_feelings: [he doesn’t mean that]

 

Princey: [I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP PATTON]

 

Princey: [I HATE WHEN YOU UNDERMIND WHAT I SAY]

 

Princey: [I WOULDN’T SAY IT IF I DIDN’T FUCKIGN MEAN IT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU NEED TO WALK AWAY NOW PRINCE]

 

Princey: [OR WAHT]

 

Princey: [ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT ME VIRGIL]

 

Princey: [YOU CAN’T EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE]

 

Princey: [YOU’RE SCARED OF YOUR OWN FUCKING SHADOW.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [JUST BECAUSE I’M CONDITIONED NOT TO MEET SOMEONES EYES DOESN’T MEAN I WON’T THROW DOWN WITH YOU IF YOU SAY ANOTHER THING LIKE THAT TO PATTON]

 

Princey: [HOW BRAVE! HOW NOBLE!]

 

Princey: [WHOS SPINE ARE YOU BORROWING TODAY?]

 

[Roman you really need to stop before you say something that can’t be taken back]<

 

Princey: [OH ARE YOU HERE TO LECTURE ME TEACH?] 

 

Princey: [THATS RICH COMING FROM YOU]

 

Princey: [I SEEM TO RECALL YOU CAN’T SAY SORRY TO SAVE YOUR LIFE]

 

[that is a falsehood.]<

 

Princey: [BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER SAID SOMETHING TERRIBLE AMIRITE]

 

Princey: [BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER HURT ANYONES FEELINGS]

 

Princey: [BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS CHAT FEEL]

 

Princey: [WE’RE JSUT YOUR LITTLE SCIENCE EXPERIMENT]

 

Princey: [IT’S NO WONDER YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS. NO ONE CAN SPEND MORE THAN TEN MINUTES IN YOUR CONDESCENDING PRESENCE]

 

Cat_feelings: [That’s not true!]

 

_ Princey  _ has muted  _ Cat_feelings _

 

Princey: [GOD YOU’RE SO ANNOYING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT YOU HAD CHANGED]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOU WERE WHEN WE FIRST MET]

 

_ Princey  _ has kicked  _ Anxi_Tea  _ from  _ Gay in a Black Hole _

 

Princey: [FUCK OFF]

 

_ Logos  _ has added  _ Anxi_Tea  _ to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

Anxi_Tea: [SCREW YOU ROMAN]

 

[WHAT IS GOING ON]<

 

Princey: [NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ROMAN NEEDS TO GO THE FUCK BACK ON SUICIDE WATCH]

 

Princey: [FUCK YOU YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I KNOW I JUST FOUND FOUR VERSIONS OF A SUICIDE NOTE SHOVED IN YOUR BAG DATED TWO DAYS AGO]

 

Princey: [AND I TOLD YOU TO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY STUFF]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US]

 

Princey: [I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP]

 

Princey: [IM FINE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [BULLSHIT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU REGRESSED]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU REGRESSED AND YOU--]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU DIDN'T TELL US]

 

Anxi_Tea: [DAMNIT ROMAN]

 

Princey: [I DON’T NEED YOU HARPING ON EVERYTHING I DO]

 

Princey: [I’M SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT]

 

Princey: [EVERY SINGLE THING I SAY IS PSYCHOANALYZED BY YOU AND PATTON]

 

[PLEASE DESIST]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [SHUT UP LOGAN]

 

Princey: [SHUT UP LOGAN]

 

Princey: [I’M NOT A FUCKIGN TIME BOMB]

 

Anxi_Tea: [COULD HAVE FOOLED ME]

 

Princey: [I FUCKING HATE YOU]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU DO NOTHING BUT AGITATE MY ANXIETY]

 

Princey: [I NEVER ASKED FOR YOU TO BE HERE]

 

[IF YOU TWO DON’T DESIST IMMEDIATELY YOU WILL RISK TERMINATION OF THIS GROUP FUNCTION]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [...]

 

Princey: [....]

 

[Is that what you want?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I]

 

Anxi_Tea: [No]

 

[Then we need to take a step back and cool off and talk like sensible people]<

 

Princey: [wow]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [you always have the solution don’t you Logan?]

 

Princey: [well I have one too.]

 

Princey: [good bye.]

 

_ Princey  _ has kicked  _ Logos, Anxi_Tea, _ and  _ Cat_feelings  _ from  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

  
_ Princey  _ has deleted  _ Gays in a Black Hole _


	9. Roll for History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxi_Tea: [If I hadn’t pushed him he never would have lashed out]
> 
> [You have no guarantee of that.]<
> 
> [If not you, then someone else might have. Or worse, no one might have ever known until time had run out.]<
> 
> Anxi_Tea: [but i did know.]  
> ***  
> Blindsided by Roman's behavior, perhaps a little bit of history can help figure out how things escalated so quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings! Callus Discussion suicide, attempted suicide, bulimia nervosa, victim blaming. Please stay safe guys!

_ Cat_feelings  _ has created a chat

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ has added  _ Logos, Anxi_Tea,  _ and  _ Princey _ to chat.

 

_ Logos _ has kicked  _ Princey  _ from chat

 

Cat_feelings: [LOGAN]

 

_ Cat_feelings _ has added  _ Princey _ to chat

 

_ Logos  _ has kicked  _ Princey  _ from chat

 

[Patton please desist]<

 

Cat_feelings: [WHAT ARE YOU DOING]

 

Cat_feelings: [sTOP IT]

 

[Patton listen to me]<

 

[You must stop]<

 

Cat_feelings: [YOU STOP]

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ has added  _ Princey  _ to chat

 

_ Logos  _ has kicked  _ Princey  _ from chat.

 

_ Logos  _ has removed some admin privileges from  _ Cat_feelings _

 

Cat_feelings: [LOGAN]

 

Cat_feelings: [STOP IT STOP IT]

 

Cat_feelings: [HE NEEDS TO BE HERE]

 

[This is the last place he needs to be right now]<

 

Cat_feelings: [SHUT UP]

 

[This is a toxic situation]<

 

Cat_feelings: [WE CAN WORK THIS OUT]

 

Cat_feelings: [WE’VE ALWAYS WORKED IT OUT]

 

Cat_feelings: [WE CAN’T JUST LET HIM LEAVE]

 

[I’m not saying you let him leave]<

 

[He cannot be here right this second.]<

 

[This environment is likely to agitate his already stressed situation and is liable to exponentially deteriorate his current state of mind.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS]

 

Cat_feelings: [i KNOW THAT ROMAN JUST SAID GOODBYE AND]

 

Cat_feelings: [AND]

 

Cat_feelings: [AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE HE’S GOING OR WHAT HE’S THINKING]

 

[You need to take a calming breath Patton.]<

 

[both of you]<

 

[Virgil, please remember what I told you. Four, seven, eight.<

 

[Roman is going to be okay.]<

 

[We just need to calm down and think logically]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I NEED TO SEE HIM]

 

Cat_feelings: [I NEED TO KNOW HE’S NOT]

 

Cat_feelings: [HE’S NOT]

 

Cat_feelings: [HE’S NOT GOING TO]

 

[Roman is not going to do anything rash.]<

 

[You said you were bringing him lunch correct? Where did you bring it?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [The theater]

 

Cat_feelings: [he has practice most of today.]

 

[So he is with others right now correct?]<

 

[Other people who care about him and will help him should he make any sort of attempt.]<

 

[As of right now the three of us are providing him extreme emotional stress.]<

 

[I know it is not of your nature to do this Patton but you must let him have this space right now.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [bUT]

 

Cat_feelings: [but]

 

Cat_feelings: [I should have]

 

[Should have what?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [KNOWN]

 

Cat_feelings: [DONE SOMETHING]

 

Cat_feelings: [I DON’T KNOW]

 

[What could you have possibly done, Patton?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [SOMETHING]

 

Cat_feelings: [aNYTHING]

 

Cat_feelings: [But I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and i missed all the signs]

 

[You told me earlier it was not my job to solely bring negativity to the chat, correct?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I think so]

 

[By that logic, it is not your job to solely have predicted any of this.]<

 

[You are human Patton]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I should have known anyway]

 

Cat_feelings: [I told them this wasn’t going to happen again]

 

Cat_feelings: [I swore I wouldn’t let this happen]

 

[Foolhardy.]<

 

[But reasonable considering your nature Patton.]<

 

[That also means that I cannot convince you to go back to your room]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I can’t just stand here.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I need to see him face to face]

 

[And logically of the three of us, you are the least likely to set him off.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [wait how did you know I wasn’t in my room]

 

[Call it a hunch.]<

 

[As it stands Roman will become volatile in Virgil’s presence and suspicious in mine.]<

 

[Whereas with you might be able to calm him down]<

 

[In that case I will endeavor to contact Virgil]<

 

Cat_feelings: [OH MY GOD VIRGIL]

 

_ Cat_feelings  _ has started a call.

 

Call missed.

 

[I will find him]<

 

[You find Roman]<

 

[Everything will be okay]<

 

Cat_feelings: [how can you be so sure?]

 

[Because we still have a Dungeons and Dragons campaign to finish.]<

 

[it seems rather ridiculous for us to have come this far only to be beaten.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [.....yeah]

 

Cat_feelings: [you’re right.]

 

Cat_feelings: [it does]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’ll let you know when I see him]

 

[Adequate]<

 

_ Logos  _ has started a call

 

Call missed.

 

[Distressing.]<

 

[Virgil I am aware that you might be experiencing a panic attack right now]<

 

[I would prefer to call you but judging from your lack of answering our calls I think it will be easier for me to do this in person.]<

 

[Please be patient while I navigate the halls.]<

 

[Do you think you might be able to start counting down from 100 for me?]<

 

[When I became overwhelmed with things that’s was how I used to calm down]<

 

[Now I tend to reach out and see what you and the others are up to.]<

 

[You remind me that there is more to this world than just textbooks and assignments]<

 

[in turn I am reminded that my panic is valid but also fleeting.]<

 

[It will go away and I will be okay.]<

 

[Likewise, you will also be okay.]<

 

[Roman will be okay.]<

 

[Patton will be okay.]<

 

[And you know I do not tell lies.]<

 

[Is this helping?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I]

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes]

 

[Good.]<

 

[You are doing very well Virgil.]<

 

[Are you still counting down?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t]

 

Anxi_Tea: [i don’t know]

 

[that’s alright]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [i can’t]

 

[How about something else?]<

 

[I’m going to ask questions and you can answer them as long or short as you want.]<

 

[Are you in your room right now?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes]

 

[okay, are you on your bed?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [no]

 

[Are you on the floor?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes]

 

[is the floor cold?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes]

 

[is the air conditioning on?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [heater. yes]

 

[Oh right of course. I apologize.]<

 

[do you have a microfridge in your room?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah]

 

[can you hear it humming?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [it’s really annoying]

 

[Did you eat earlier? Lunch perhaps?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah. Pat made it]

 

[Ah yes, he did mention he made lunch. He neglected to tell what was though]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [pizza. He made little personal pizzas]

 

[Oh, what did you have on yours?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [just cheese. I don’t like all the things Roman puts on his]

 

[What does he have?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Olives, pepperoni and basil if there’s any around]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat has hawaiian. Which makes Roman whine every time.]

 

[He doesn’t think pineapple should be on pizza?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [not at all]

 

Anxi_Tea: [not that he has room to talk. Dumbass puts OLIVES on pizza.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I think I’ve calmed down]

 

[Very well.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait shit nevermind, someone’s knocking on the door.]

 

[I assure you there’s nothing to be nervous about.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [LOGAN]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HELP]

 

Anxi_Tea: [FUCK]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HE WAS THERE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THE HOT GUY FROM THE COFFEE SHOP]

 

Anxi_Tea: [AT MY DOOR]

 

Anxi_Tea: [AND I JUST SLAMMED SAID DOOR IN HIS FACE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [FUCK]

 

[Yes that was quite unfortunate]<

 

[Do you think you could open the door again?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [NO]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ABSOLUTELY NOT]

 

[i assure you this is in your best interest]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [HE PROBABLY THINKS I’M CRAZY]

 

[He does not.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE]

 

[Because he’s a very smart individual who happens to understand it was his fault in the first place for not mentioning his name when you first met.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [....wait]

 

[In fact I believe that youfgjkbhln]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU ASSHOLE I HOPE THAT HURT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU LET ME ACT LIKE AN IDIOT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [FUCK WHY ARE YOU SO ATTRACTIVE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I WAS HALFWAY CONVINCED YOU WERE A ROGUE AI PROJECT]

 

[How do you know I’m not?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW]

 

[obviously. See: necktie]<

 

[RTGHYJUK]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [i hope your phone cracked]

 

[In my defense, i was hardly subtle about it.]<

 

[wafsdg]<

 

[Does punching me relieve your stress?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [no]

 

[May I inquire why yOU ARE STILL DOING IT]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [sure.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [but I’m not going to answer]

 

Anxi_Tea: [because I don’t talk to assholes]

 

[falsehood]<

 

[We are communicating right now]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I really hate you right now]

 

Anxi_Tea: [like more than I hate myself]

 

[I see.]<

 

[I don’t have enough apologies for this. I didn't mean to hide my identity]<

 

[Well that was my intention at first]<

 

[But after meeting you in the coffeeshop I realized I find you pleasantly attractive as well]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING THEN]

 

[....]<

 

[This is rather embarrassing on my part.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ what]

 

[Despite knowing your opinion of me i irrationally determined how you might take this revelation and I receive “cold feet”.]<

 

[Not literally of course because my feet were quite warm and dry. It’s a figure of speech meaning--]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I know what cold feet means logan]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m mute not stupid.]

 

[I did not mean to suggest any such thing.]<

 

[I don’t understand such usage of flowery language so I attempt to not assume others do]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [i have no clue how to respond to that]

 

[Neither do I]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan]

 

[Yes?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [What are we going to do]

 

[about?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [us]

 

Anxi_Tea: [this chat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman]

 

Anxi_Tea: [life]

 

[I see]<

 

[I believe we will have to take it step by step.]<

 

[First we will need to wait for Patton to respond. Most likely he has found Roman already and is deep conversation with him. This may take longer than is optimal, but regardless I would like to stay by your side until they return.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [why]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [why do you want to stay with me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [this is my fault]

 

Anxi_Tea: [If I had just]

 

Anxi_Tea: [If I hadn’t]

 

[Virgil this is not anyone’s fault.]<

 

[One person can not take the blame for an abstruse matter such as this.]<

 

[That simply is not how the world functions.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [But it is my fault!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [If I hadn’t pushed him he never would have lashed out]

 

[You have no guarantee of that.]<

 

[If not you, then someone else might have. Or worse, no one might have ever known until time had run out.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [but i did know.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I knew what he would do and I still pushed him to it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [this is what happened the first time around.]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

[What do you mean by that?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He’d been acting like he had been before we...well we met.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Do you remember that first night you talked me down from a panic attack? And you say that Roman would never intentionally try to hurt me? And I hesitated?]

 

[Vaguely. I dismissed it as a reflection of your exhaustion.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [It wasn’t. Not really.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [We had a couple of classes together freshman year. We didn’t communicate really, but he had seen me lose it once or twice and Remy or Patton needed to talk me down. He was always bragging about how perfect he was, how amazing he was, how the school was lucky to have him]

 

Anxi_Tea: [But I had spent my whole life learning to read people and I saw that he was a little...off.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat told me to ask him about it if it worried me so much.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I didn’t think about it. I wrote a note that just asked why he was putting on a facade.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He ripped it up. And told me to mind my own fucking business. That I was nothing and no one and would never be anything other than a freak. That Remy and Patton only stayed with me out of pity. That I should go crawl back into the hole I had come out of.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [all the things that triggered me.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [and he knew about it too. Watched me struggle to breathe for a minute and then he just turned and stormed of.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Patton found me sometime later. He was going to kill Roman himself that night. But I convinced him it wasn’t that drastic. He insisted that he call campus security about it.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Campus security called Roman’s RA, Thomas, who reported that he had heard Roman in a bad argument with several theater kids in the lobby of his building. Thomas was going to talk to him, see what was up.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Everyone had seen him go into his room. He wasn’t answering the door. Thomas got campus security to open it.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [If they had been any later, if Patton had just dropped it like I had told him to, if his RA hadn’t been so certain something was wrong….]

 

Anxi_Tea: [When we heard what happened Patton baked several batches of cookie and took them to him while he was in the hospital. He asked me to come along. Roman took one look at me and started sobbing.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He lashes out at everything when he’s thinking about it]

 

[Pushes good things away to prevent his determination from wanning.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He puts on facades and distances himself and I just]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I didn’t want to think that we had failed him.]

 

[So in the moment you blamed him.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [i didn’t blame him]

 

[I’m afraid that the phrasing of your initial declaration was interpreted opposite of what you intended.]<

 

[That is what caused Roman to lash out.]<

 

[But I understand why you chose the words you did.]<

 

[If our positions had been reverse, I don’t think I would have approached the subject any lighter than you did.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [fuck]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I just…]

 

Anxi_Tea: [There was so much he was hiding behind his smile. And it took me a whole month to notice.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [He was suicidal and bulimic]

 

[Is that why he was quick list the bad effects of self induced vomiting when it came up?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [His parents really did a number on him.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I met them once]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I couldn’t imagine growing up with them.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I mean, at least mine didn’t masquerade their insults in backhanded compliments.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The first thing they did when they saw Roman was ask him if he had been gaining weight.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [reversed three months of progress he had made with a simple statement.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [damnit]

 

Anxi_Tea: [fucking Dee brought them up]

 

Anxi_Tea: [all of his signs were right there.]

 

[Were they?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [what?]

 

[Why did he come back?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [what?]

 

[I am an outsider to this scenario however this is what I have been presented with:]<

 

[Roman has a history with dark thoughts and bulimia nervosa. His parents have caused regress before. Roman disappeared for three days in which you said he did not come back to his dorm nor answer his phone. He had four versions of a note left behind suggesting that he was unsatisfied with any of them. He spends ample time making lists of nicknames for you and for me. And judging from side comments he has not been eating much. He pushes away good things when he thinks of killing himself.]<

 

[So then why, after having spent three days without contact, did he return to us?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m… not following]

 

[Here is my hypothesis: Roman realized that he was having unpleasant thoughts the first night he muted himself and he went to someone he trusted whom was outside the friend group because he cares for both of you greatly. This person was mostly not equipped for this sort of thing, however felt compelled to help so they offered Roman a place to stay, made sure he kept eating regularly, and talked to him.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [so you think...what?]

 

[I believe that Thomas Sanders is a very good person who provided him with substantial advice for someone who was not trained for this sort of distress.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Thomas? Roman’s RA?]

 

[I happened to have noticed that Thomas has been distracted when we have had conversations recently. We met during orientation week and although we do not share any classes, we find company in enjoying a quiet meal in the dining hall together.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [...what?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no wait don’t repeat it.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I need a second.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you’re telling me that you don’t think]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that Roman]

 

Anxi_Tea: [That I jumped to a conclusion.]

 

[A perfectly understandable and reasonable conclusion.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [fuck]

 

Anxi_Tea: [why didn’t he just tell me?]

 

[I believe that is a question for him to answer himself.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Hey logan]

 

[Yes?><>:”]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Damn]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m still not feeling any satisfaction with punching you.]

 

[Are you quite certain?]<

 

[Perhaps you should try again. The outcome might be different.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [did you just make a joke?]

 

[Why do you sound surprised?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [You never joke.]

 

[I joke!]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah but like...rarely]

 

Anxi_Tea: [is it...okay if I lean my head on you?]

 

[I]<

 

[Yes Virgil]<

 

[That would be okay.]<

 

[I will wake you when I hear from Patton and Roman]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [hot, nerdy, and nice. If there anything you aren’t?]

 

[good with people.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [hah]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I think you’re doing just fine Specs.]

 

[You too Virgil]<


	10. Roll for Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxi_Tea: [....]
> 
> Cat_feelings: [....]
> 
> [....]<
> 
> [It appears that none of us have the courage to talk about the figurative elephant in the room.]<  
> ***  
> A little bit of healing.

Cat_feelings: [I’m going to assume that you are Logan and not some stranger who Virgil fell asleep on.]

 

[You would be correct.]<

 

[If you wouldn’t mind continuing our conversation through text messaging, I wouldn’t like to wake him.]<

 

[Additionally, I would not ever endeavor to cause him harm. You do not need to give me the "Dad Talk", Patton.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh right! Of course!]

 

Cat_feelings: [has he been asleep long?]

 

[Just a few hours.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [....have you both been sitting on the floor this whole time]

 

[Yes.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan, that looks incredibly uncomfortable]

 

[It is.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [why haven’t you moved!]

 

[I did not want to wake Virgil.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh Logan!]

 

[It’s nothing really.]<

 

[I’ve been reading a fascinating article about the power of a black hole on my phone.]<

 

[What about you? Are you alright?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I…]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m not]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m just really tired.]

 

[You appear to be completely exhausted.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [It’s hard work watching all you kiddos all day!]

 

Cat_feelings: [That was a joke.]

 

[You don’t have to pretend like everything is alright, Patton.]<

 

[Today has been admittedly terrible.]<

 

[I believe we all can agree on that.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [yeah well]

 

Cat_feelings: [everything’s better with a couple jokes!]

 

Cat_feelings: [have you heard the joke about the germs?]

 

[I don’t believe i have.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh nevermind, I don’t want to SPREAD IT AROUND!]

 

[I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you want to share a joke? Is that not the intention of a joke to be shared?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [What about the joke about paper? It’s really TEARable!]

 

[I believe you have used the wrong adjective. You mean “Terrible” correct?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?]

 

[Because they naturally inhabit areas where the trees are incapable of holding their weight nor provide complete coverage of their bodies. They also do not possess the limbs required for successful tree climbing.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [because they’re so good at it!]

 

[No? I just explained--]<

 

Cat_feelings: [why are frogs so happy?]

 

[I was not aware you could perceive the emotions of an amphibian.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [because they eat what BUGS them!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Does that mean I can eat Roman? He bugs me.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil!]

 

[Apologies Virgil, we didn’t mean to wake you.]<

 

[We weredsfdgh]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [jerk, that’s what you get.]

 

[I thought we had agreed that physical assaulting on my person was not a viable solution to your frustrations!]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I agreed to no such thing.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [And that was for not waking me when Pat came back]

 

Anxi_Tea: [jerk]

 

[I was merely looking after your well being]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I can do that myself!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil sweetheart]

 

[Do not take this the wrong way]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Congrats you’re both unfriended]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait what are you doing]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Stop that come back]

 

[I thought you said we were unfriended?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yeah unfriended. I’m still using you as a pillow.]

 

[I don’t understand.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [hush, pillows don’t talk]

 

Anxi_Tea: [shouldn’t talk]

 

Anxi_Tea: [If you have a talking pillow you need to kill it right now.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [because it’s a mimic]

 

Cat_feelings: [kiddos its time for you to go to bed. It’s far past both your bedtimes]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat you know better than anyone how sporadic my sleeping schedule is.]

 

[Ditto]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [We’re making you new flashcards]

 

Anxi_Tea: [right now]

 

[That seems highly unprompted.]<

 

[Is there something wrong with my current ones?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yes.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You just used “ditto” in this day and age.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [besides I couldn’t sleep again even if I wanted to. I’m a bit preoccupied with worrying]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

Cat_feelings: [....]

 

[....]<

 

[It appears that none of us have the courage to talk about the figurative elephant in the room.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Is he…?]

 

Cat_feelings: [He’s okay.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I sat down with him and we talked for a long time.]

 

Cat_feelings: [This week's been a bit rough on him.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [alright.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [then wheRE THE FUCK IS HE]

 

Cat_feelings: [Language!]

 

Cat_feelings: [He didn’t think you would appreciate if he barged back in here]

 

Anxi_Tea: [well he’s an idiot]

 

Cat_feelings: [Look V, about those notes you found…]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I jumped to a conclusion. I got it. Now where is he]

 

Cat_feelings: [They weren’t necessarily about--wait what?]

 

Cat_feelings: [You know?]

 

[Virgil and I proposed a theory based on available information.]<

 

[I take it from your tone that we were correct?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Yea]

 

Cat_feelings: [boy is this a relief!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I wasn’t sure how to say it!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [it’s said. great. I’m an idiot. Now where is Princey]

 

Cat_feelings: [You’re not an idiot]

 

[Virgil we’ve been over this. Your reaction was completely natural.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeah yeah]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Where is Roman at this very second?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I left him with Thomas, again.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Awesome.]

 

Cat_feelings: [kiddo, where are you going?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Thomas’s]

 

[Virgil may I suggest rethinking this course of action?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [hmmmm]

 

Anxi_Tea: [nah]

 

Cat_feelings: [kiddo]

 

[Virgil]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Look. It’s like eleven at night.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Today’s been complete shit]

 

Cat_feelings: [language]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Emotions suck]

 

[Affirmative]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [And no offense but this chat kinda lifeless without Roman in it.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’ve had seven plus hours to plan every bad thing that could ever happen. And if I sit here any longer I’m actually going to explode. Do you want me to explode, Dad?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I...I don’t, son.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan, do you want me to explode?]

 

[I’d prefer if you did not. It would be difficult, if not completely impossible, to pursue a romantic relationship with splatterings of grey matter as opposed to your attractive physic at this moment.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [awww!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I cannot believe that just made me blush]

 

Anxi_Tea: [What kind of nerd…]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Anyone ever tell you you have terrible tastes Logan?]

 

[No? I don’t believe so.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Well you do.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [This is getting off topic.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Look I’m tired, stressed, and super hungry.]

 

Cat_feelings: [You guys didn’t eat dinner?]

 

[I think we lost track of time.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Doing what?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [uhhh]

 

[Sleeping.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [ANYWAY, we’re going to go to Thomas, collect Roman, and the four of us are going to go get waffles.]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [ooo waffles]

 

Cat_feelings: [Are you sure that’s a good idea?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [At this point in time I don’t really care.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I want to get waffles with my three favorite people and pretend like today never happened at all.]

 

[Where would we even get waffles at this hour of night?]<

 

[There’s no place that sells waffles this late at night within walking distance.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Roman has a car.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman has a car but I’m going to be driving.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [because even on a good day Roman is an awful driver]

 

Cat_feelings: [Roman is a perfectly good driver!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Last time he drove us he yelled, and I quote, “STOP LIGHTS ARE JUST SUGGESTIONS” and proceeded to run two lights]

 

Cat_feelings: [It wasn’t that bad!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [We got pulled over.]

 

Cat_feelings: [we did?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [why don’t you remember this]

 

Cat_feelings: [i don’t know.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Was it before or after the day I overdosed on caffeine?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Before or after you WHAT]

 

Cat_feelings: [remember that one day when I had that HUGE Psych exam I needed to study for and I drank like seven coffees in three hours?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Yeah and then Roman decided we had been cooped up in our room for too long and dragged us out for midnight grocery shopping, ran two stop lights, got pulled over, and talked his way out of his tickets by pretending you were so sick you needed to go to the hospital and received as police escort across town.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [wait are you telling me you weren’t faking that]

 

[That is very distressing.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [It couldn’t have been that bad! I got an 87 on the test!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You said you could feel your heart.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [your eyelids were fluttering and you were breathing so shallowly you weren’t actually inhaling]

 

Anxi_Tea: [OH MY GOD]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU WEREN’T FAKING IT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [AFTER YOU TOOK THE TEST YOU SLEPT FOR SEVENTEEN HOURS]

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh! That must be why I don’t remember anything!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan!]

 

[Yes?]<

 

[Oh is this was part where I provide factual evidence to discourage any ill timed panic?]<

 

[in that case, Patton appears to be fine and it has been a good portion of time since this incident so we can assume it had no lasting effect on our dear friend.]<

 

[Therefore, the best course of action is to supervise Patton’s future coffee intake and make sure that it does not happen again.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [great. So we’re all in agreement then?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Waffles?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [great]

 

[Virgil, wait!]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Slow down kiddo!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t want to watch you trip up the stairs!]

 

[What if Roman is asleep?]<

 

[Any normal person would be at this hour!]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Dude, we’re college kids. It’s only eleven thirty. No one is asleep right now]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no one even knows what sleep is]

 

_ Anxi_Tea  _ has added  _ Princey _ to the chat

 

Anxi_Tea: [Wake up, Sir-sings-alot]

 

Anxi_Tea: [we’re getting waffles]

 

Princey: [Virgil?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Open up!]

 

Princey: [What is going on?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [We’re getting waffles as a group and we’re going to pretend today never happened]

 

Princey: [I’m not sure thats a good idea]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m tired, hungry, and so completely anxious that part of my brain has shut off. I literally don’t care anymore.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Get your keys.]

 

Princey: [Are you alright?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [We’re.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Going]

 

Anxi_Tea: [To]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Get]

 

Cat_feelings: [WAFFLES!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Waffles.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [thanks Pat.]

 

Cat_feelings: [It’s like a thing!]

 

Cat_feelings: [A family thing!]

 

Princey: [but…]

 

[I believe the rule is we aren’t going to talk about any misunderstandings until tomorrow.]<

 

Princey: [That’s twenty six minutes away]

 

Princey: [Besides I don’t think you guys want me around--]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Dude. what part of “family thing” do you not understand.]

 

Princey: [I just-- we--]

 

Princey: [Virgil promise me you won’t freak out.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I am made of complete apathy at this moment.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m untouchable.]

 

Princey: [The hot guy from the coffee shop just stepped out of the stairwell.]

 

Princey: [He’s coming this way.]

 

Princey: [HES LOOKING RIGHT AT US]

 

[sadsgf]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Whoops! Sorry kiddos! I couldn’t find my keys to lock the door!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Why is Logan on the floor?]

 

Cat_feelings: [And why is Roman leaning on the wall crying?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Logan walked right up to Roman, stuck his hand out and introduced himself as Logan Crofters. Roman’s knee jerk reaction was to deck him.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Now he’s crying because he realized all the stupid things he said about Logan, to him.]

 

Princey: [FUCK LOGAN]

 

Princey: [DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I THOUGHT OF ASKING YOU OUT?]

 

[WHY IS EVERYONE’S REACTION TO MEETING ME VIOLENT?]<

 

Princey: [I ALMOST KILLED YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS]

 

Princey: [AND MY KATANA]

 

[WHERE DID THAT COME FROM]<

 

[yOU DIDN’T HAVE THAT WHEN YOU ANSWERED THE DOOR]<

 

[THIS ISN’T EVEN YOUR ROOM]<

 

Princey: [ITS YOUR FACE]

 

Princey: [YOUR BEAUTIFUL STUPID FACE]

 

[WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN]<

 

Princey: [WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY]

 

[WHAT?]<

 

Princey: [VIRGIL I’M SORRY I’M GOING TO HAVE TO SLAUGHTER YOUR CRUSH]

 

[WHY?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh Ro! You’re so silly!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat I don’t think he’s joking.]

 

Cat_feelings: [guys I don’t think this is the place to be rough housing like this!]

 

Cat_feelings: [there are other kiddos trying to study!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh my god he’S NOT JOKING]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh dear]

 

Anxi_Tea: [alright both of you get in the car.]

 

Princey: [I wasn’t really going to kill him.]

 

Cat_feelings: [really being yelled at by Thomas wasn’t enough?]

 

[He couldn’t have killed me if he tried]<

 

Princey: [I could too]

 

[Could not]<

 

Princey: [Could too, Astrodork]

 

[Could not, Hamlet of Denmark]<

 

Princey: [how dare you!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [both of you need to shut up before Patton grounds you]

 

Princey: [I’m not scared of Patton!]

 

Cat_feelings: [you’re not? :( ]

 

Princey: [I’m suddenly very terrified of Patton!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [nice save princey]

 

Princey: [It’s not fair! Have you ever tried to lie to his puppy eyes?!]

 

[Virgil I would be comforted far more if you wouldn’t text while driving a two ton car]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [fine, fine]

 

[Although I admittedly, I did feel an unprecedented urge to say whatever was needed to cheer Patton up.]<

 

[What a curious phenomenon.]<

 

Princey: [Are you taking notes teach?]

 

[please put your seat belt back on correctly.]<

 

[And I am not taking notes anymore.]<

 

[Is there a reason you suddenly decided my lap was the optimal place to put your feet?]<

 

Princey: [Not taking notes anymore?]

 

Princey: [why not?]

 

[It has come to my attention that this group chat is not some experiment that one day will need to end. I quite enjoy our conversations regardless of how strangely they unravel]<

 

[Also I believe I owe you an appropriate apology]<

 

Princey: [what-- logan]

 

[You were right. I never did apologize for snapping at you when I was sleep deprived. What I said was not what I meant and I miscalculated how much that impacted you.]<

 

[Please accept my sincerest apology for my grave mistake.]<

 

Princey: [On one condition, Crofters.]

 

Princey: [I ask that you forgive my great offense to you. I lashed out at you even when you had nothing but the noblest of intentions towards me and that was not very princely of me.]

 

[Deal.]<

 

Princey: [Deal!]

 

Cat_feelings: [And I just want to apologize too.]

 

Princey: [Padre please, you have done nothing wrong]

 

Cat_feelings: [no, I know better. You were right when you said that I try to parent you a lot, maybe too much. It doesn’t help that analyze a lot of your conversations looking for signs that may or may not be there. It's not fair to you. But I just can’t imagine my life without any of you in it and it scares me a little.]

 

[Patton]<

 

Princey: [Padre…]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’d also like to apologize]

 

[VIRGIL EYES ON THE ROAD]<

 

Princey: [DARK KNIGHTLESS DO NOT GET US KILLED]

 

[HANDS ON THE WHEEL]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [GUYS]

 

Anxi_Tea: [we are stopped.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [At a stoplight.]

 

[GOOD DRIVING HABITS DON’T STOP WHEN THE CAR STOPS]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’M GOING TO PURPOSELY CRASH US IF IT WILL GET YOU TO SHUT UP]

 

Cat_feelings: [please don’t kiddo!]

 

Princey: [you really think death would keep Logan away?]

 

Princey: [look at him]

 

Princey: [that is not the look of a man who’s ghost will ever settle]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh shoot youre right]

 

Cat_feelings: [language]

 

Cat_feelings: [wait a second!!! You didn’t curse!!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m going to hug you]

 

Princey: [PAT WAIT]

 

[PATTON THE CAR IS MOVING AGAIN]<

 

[PLEASE DESIST]<

 

Princey: [what was that look, dwarf star?]

 

[Really a height joke?]<

 

Princey: [I used all the ones on my list and I haven’t made more yet]

 

Princey: [but what was that look? You just laughed and I hadn’t said anything funny yet.]

 

[It seems that Marissa has acquired my number.]<

 

Princey: [You mean the fair maiden from your astronomy class who gave you the wrong number in the first place?]

 

[Yes.]<

 

[It appears that she and her boyfriend broke up and was wondering if I wanted to grab a coffee on tomorrow.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh boy, what did you say?]

 

[The truth.]<

 

[That I’d rather jump into a black hole.]<

 

[That reminds me.]<

 

_ Logos  _ has changed the chat name to  _ Gays in a Black Hole _

 

[Much better.]<

 

Princey: [perfect!]

 

Cat_feelings: [it feels like home!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [nice]

 

Anxi_Tea: [also were here.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [That means I can officially say I'm sorry too, Roman. I should have trusted you, and not looked in your bag, and not jumped to a conclusion or...]

Anxi_Tea: [Or acted like I blamed you. You do give me a lot of anxiety, but I'd rather have that than not have you in my life at all. Who else am I gonna trade make up tips and bad nicknames with?]

Princey: [And I'm sorry for giving you a reason to have that anxiety. I don't want to lose any of you either. I didn't want to worry you guys over my fabulous self again, especially after everything we went through to get to this point. But even when I was low, I thought about this chat and I realized just how much better everything was with you guys around me.]

Princey: [I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but I want to be there. And I want you guys to be there with me.]

 

Cat_feelings: [OH! I know what tomorrow brings!]

 

[While its impossible to tell the future with 100% accuracy I can make an educated guess.]<

 

 

Cat_feelings: [WAFFLES!]

 

[Some sort of movie marathon and sleeping.]<

 

Princey: [I love both of those suggestions]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sooo…..theres only one more thing left to do]

 

Princey: [what?]

 

[What would that be?]<

 

Cat_feelings: [oh! I know that smile!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roll initiative]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the trip, watch your step getting off the ride, leave a comment if you loved it (or if you didn't). I don't have my next story lined up right this second, but you can find me on Tumblr (@greenninjagal) and drop a suggestion or throw a few thoughts my way. 
> 
> I have an absurd amount of love for you all. thank you for coming all this way with me. And I hope to see you guys again soon! :)


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